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This afternoon I spent I-don't-know-how-long listing the various things I want to work on right now. It's a longish list, and there are a couple of extremely complicated entries.

What was unexpectedly helpful about the exercise was clarifying what type of "to do" each is. Most are projects, according to the formal definition of the word: limited time efforts with a distinct end point. I have a tendency to think big and to overcomplicate things -- and I have a Sagittarian tendency to be very good at starting things but less good at completing them -- so being reminded that many of the things I want to do are by nature limited duration efforts was very helpful. 

In complete contrast, a couple of the items are -- for lack of a better term at the moment -- lifestyle commitments. The ones on my current list are spiritual practices and long-term engagement in spiritual and mission-based Work. (Personal mission, not evangelism.)

And then there are the two biggest, most complicated items: each of which is made up of multiple intersecting projects and which may or may not eventually become lifestyle efforts.

Most importantly, I identified which of the to-do's are directly related to/an expression of/in support of my personal mission, and which are outside of it. The outsides ones are still worthy of effort, still things I expect to enjoy -- or at least derive satisfaction from completing -- but they have an entirely different quality to them than the mission-based ones. That was far more helpful than I had expected.

And then I realized (probably not for the first time) that another challenge of the past years has been the sense that my life largely consisted of doing things I didn't want to do while in pain. Several of the most important aspects of my identity were wrested from me and I was unable to reclaim them. Creating the project list today gave me a long-absent sense of being centered in my authentic self, not driven by or at the mercy of external forces.

Another way of putting it is of gaining control of my own narrative again -- which I realized also relates directly to my journal project.
(I suspect there's a fairytale metaphor for that project somewhere. . .)

We are never fully in control of our own lives, but in my experience having a strong sense of self and my personal narrative, my personal constellation of meaning, goes a long way toward increasing my quality of life. 
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I'm pondering what looks like it will become a lengthy essay, not just on C&P but on close reading, moralizing, and myth-making.

The oldest version of the story appears in The Golden Ass, and it is nothing like Ashcroft-Nowicki describes it in Your Unseen Power. I'll do a complete breakdown later, probably this weekend, but one of the biggest points of departure is that A-N describes Psyche as "wandering the earth looking for her lost love" and "as she does, she meets and helps [various small creatures] along the way." These small creatures then help her in her trials later.

Nope. The only "helping" she does is to straighten a temple of Ceres -- which earns her the gratitudes of the goddess, but not the help. The various beings who help her later (ants, eagle, river, reeds) do so because she's beautiful and naive and they take pity on her.

She is passive, suicidal, and gives her trust to the wrong people. The only time she takes decisive action is to deliberately orchestrate the deaths of her sisters, who had persuaded her to try to kill her husband.

"Cupid and Psyche" is frequently referred to as an allegory for the purification of the soul through trials until it is ready to stand with the gods. I think they're pushing the story a bit to make this connection. Even at the end, Psyche is not deified because of her own merits but because Cupid is in love with her and he persuades Jove to do him a favor. Personally, I think it reads more like a romantic farce than a spiritual allegory.

I am going to continue studying and reflecting on the story and its variations and see where it takes me, and I still like the idea of the story as a personal meta-story. But it's definitely going to involve some myth-making of my own, not adopting the story as it is.

Victory!!

Sep. 6th, 2010 03:23 pm
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I HAVE FINALLY FINISHED MY ERESHKIGAL DEVOTIONAL INTRODUCTION!

I'm seeking some feedback from a couple of trusted friends, and in the meantime am going to be doing the final little edits on my own pieces (requested by my editor) and start pulling together all the contributions into a coherent whole.

I have every intention -- and expectation -- of laying an essentially complete manuscript on Her altar Wednesday night.


(And I'm sure you all are going to be almost as grateful to have me no longer posting about my frustrations about this project as I am about having the end in sight. . . )
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I just sent notifications to my Bibliotheca Alexandrina editor that I've posted my last two personal pieces to our shared workspace for her review: my version of Inanna's Descent (which I'm calling "The Ways of the Underworld") and an account of how Ereshkigal unexpectedly claimed me during a ritual I was doing with LM.

I still have to write the Introduction -- and am finding it unaccountably challenging. There is so much to say, and Ereshkigal has so many facets. . . and it can't be a textbook but it does need to be informative. . .

Almost done. . .

And then I have a rededication ritual to perform with Her as my relationship with Her shifts and changes in response to my own growth and changes. More on that as appropriate. . .
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Yesterday morning I received a re-submission of a devotional piece from a local friend who had originally sent me two pieces but only returned one after re-writes. This piece is extremely personal, and she had a hard time going back to it and facing what it contained. When she saw my (locked) entry here yesterday about being open to more submissions, she asked if I still wanted it, and if I would be willing to do the edits. I told her yes and yes!

I loved rediscovering her piece. It's beautiful: very personal, very honest, and it so matches the Ereshkigal I know from my own contacts with Her.

Most importantly, the piece brings into the devotional an aspect of Herself that I'd lost track of: She is a "Goddess of Facing Your Shit." It's been a while since I focused on that aspect of Her, and I'm so grateful that this piece brought it back to the foreground for me.

Also, from a strictly pragmatic perspective, this is a longer piece, and I'm grateful to have a few more pages added to my final count.

After struggling with this project for so long -- to the point of wishing I could just give it up during the past few months -- it feels so good to have the end in sight and feel this rush of energy and joy in the work.
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I never dreamed how difficult it would be to get the Ereshkigal devotional done, but I can feel it finally coming together. About a month ago I was contacted by two experienced priestesses who asked if I was still accepting submissions. They had alternated as Ereshkigal and Inanna in a series of four Descent rituals, and wanted to share their stories. I told them I would love to have their accounts, and asked if I could have them by mid-May. They said yes, and I just received the first one a couple of days ago. It's amazing: vivid and well-written and deeply revelatory of Herself. I feel as if I have been waiting for these two women to come forward and share their stories.

On May 31 I will observe the third anniversary of LM's death. Fittingly enough, it will occur on Memorial Day.

It's been a very long road of grief, one which is not fully over (as my last couple of days have made very clear to me), but which has finally resulted in me feeling normal again most of the time. Last spring I lost my job, and last week was my first full-time employment since then. I'm no longer worrying about whether I should move in with my parents or my ex-husband when my savings account was exhausted and I could no longer pay rent. It's been hard to focus creatively and editorially under those circumstances.

It's never easy to know what to do to observe the day of LM's passing. I've usually tried to go to our most sacred place, and I will do so again this year, but that's not a long journey. I've decided that I want to honor his memory -- and the growth in my own life that's occurred since his death -- by dedicating that weekend to finalizing the content of the devotional and sending out the release forms.

I feel very bad that my wonderful contributors have been kept hanging for so long -- and that Herself has been kept waiting as well. I have other projects brewing in the back of my mind, but I've known that I can't start anything else until I finish this one. It's been bad enough that at times I've thought about abandoning the whole thing, but I've known that's not an option. And I didn't truly want it to be an option, I was just so tired of struggling every damn day and wanted to throw off everything that I could.

I still need to finish my own Descent story, and will be focusing on that today.
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After a very long time of pain, inertia, and frustration, I'm starting to see sudden movement in several places in my life, including a nice big income tax return just as my savings was starting to get perilously low, not one but two strong leads on jobs (a second interview on one and a call from a friend on another), new sacred sexuality energy in my life, creative work on the Ereshkigal devotional. . . even doing better helping Wolfling focus and follow through on her homework.

And the timing corresponds pretty strongly to my starting the Malkuth meditations in my Tree of Life studies.

Malkuth is the physical world, not just in the "pentacles" sense of body/house/job/money, but the entirety of the plane of physical existence. Any magical working (or any creative endeavor) begun or worked in the other planes must come into existence in (or at least have its energy come down the planes to impact in) Malkuth for it to be meaningful on the human level.

It feels as if the energy of my meditation is kick-starting several other areas of my life.

Now to keep focused and keep the meditation going in a consistent way as I enjoy/pursue all the unfolding goodness. . . !
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"The ways of the underworld are perfect," Ereshkigal whispered.
"Oh, rotting meat, do not question the ways of the underworld."


That's as far as I've gotten with my re-write of The Descent of Inanna: Inanna is dead and hanging on the wall of the throne room. Now comes the hard part: the three days of silence, Ereshkigal's "labor", the kurgarra and the galatur, and how She reacts to the resurrection of Inanna.

In the original, Ereshkigal does not appear again after she gives her comforters the rotting meat that is Inanna's corpse. I need to spend some time with Her to try to gain more insight into what She experienced once Inanna began her ascension -- and how She received Dumuzi at the end. . .
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It's only been during the last few weeks that I've begun to realize just how significantly my grief over LM has had an impact on things like my priestess training and my work (or, more properly lack of work) on the Ereshkigal devotional. Now that the pain and the gray veil have lifted almost entirely, I can see how much energy it took to grieve and to just keep going.

Since [livejournal.com profile] sannion has stepped down from his leadership positions in Neos Alexandrina, I'm working with a new editor. I was worried that it would be hard to work with someone new, but so far he's been great. Filling him in on my status brought this project back to the center of my attention, and I asked him if he could help me set a series of short-term goals to bring this to completion. I'd feel bad about not asking Sannion for this assistance earlier, but I don't think it would have done any good. Ironically, I had to climb out of the underworld before I could put in the serious work on the devotional to the Queen of the Underworld. Call it my graduate thesis. ;-)

Or maybe not a wink. Maybe that's exactly what it's supposed to be. Maybe, aside from my own energy issues, I needed to experience the whole cycle myself before I could bring the project to fruition.

Jeremy is concerned that I don't have enough material yet, so here's one more call to you or anyone you know to share poems, fiction, rituals, personal experiences and prayers honoring The Queen of the Great Below.
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Last night I woke around 3am and was awake until well after four. My thoughts kept swirling around the Ereshkigal devotional: what I was going to write, how I was going to divide the material I have in mind, how much personal disclosure I'm going to do, and etc.

When I finally got back to sleep, I dreamed about being in a room with five or six other women dressed in outfits ranging from the 1920's back to not-sure-when, most of whom had at least a slightly scandalous reputation, and all of whom were authors. Subtle, my subconscious is not.

Then I had a dream about pulling from my backside a pencil, lots of long dark hair, and a long, thick piece of rubbery-sticky stuff. Getting unstuck regarding my creativity, perhaps?

I've been feeling very run down the past couple of days, and very out of contact with the inner. My teacher has assured me before that these intervals happen to everyone from time to time, and while I need to be firm with myself where my practices are concerned and not let myself off the hook too easily, there are some days when it just ain't happening, and that's okay.

This evening, in stark contrast to last week's encounter with Tiwaz, I said bluntly, "I'm really tired. In fact, I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed right now, and I ask your support in my time of weakness. I promise I'll get back on top of things soon. But right now I ask your patience and help." And he was fine with that, saying in effect, That's part of what being a god is about.

It's 8:45pm and I think I'm heading for bed.
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Call for Submissions: “Queen of the Great Below: A Devotional Anthology for Ereshkigal”

Neos Alexandria’s Bibliotheca Alexandrina announces a call for submissions for the latest in their devotional anthologies. “Queen of the Great Below” will honor the Queen of the Underworld from the Sumerian pantheon, who was invoked alongside Hekate in the Greek magical papyri. Best known for her terrible aspect, as illustrated in “The Descent of Inanna” her myths portray her as a goddess who defends proper boundaries and demands respect on her own terms. As a dark goddess and an underworld deity, she is helpful in working on shadow aspects of ourselves and facing our “descents” as opportunities for transformation. Some of her devotees invoke her while working bdsm-flavored sex magic and ritual.

Janet Munin, the editor of the anthology, is a priestess of Ereshkigal who holds a Masters Degree in Comparative Religion from the University of Washington, including focused studies on the religion of the Ancient Near East. She presented a class called “Feral Holiness: BDSM and the Sacred” at Pantheacon 2008.

Devotional anthologies welcome a range of submissions, including:
· Essays
· Poetry
· Accounts of personal experiences
· Original translations of ancient source material
· Appropriately themed short fiction
· Artwork
· Other content somehow related to the goddess

All submissions must be the original work of their creator. References to previously published material must be fully footnoted.


Please send all submissions via text or Word attachment to janet.munin@earthlink.net.

The editor weclomes questions about the project, and is happy to discuss ideas for submissions.

Submission deadline is June 21, 2009.

Bibliotheca Alexandrina does not offer payment for any of the works included in devotional anthologies, nor can we provide free author copies. All work should therefore be considered a donation to help honor the gods. Bibliotheca Alexandrina does not seek to make a profit through the sale of our books. Our sole intention is to honor the gods and promote polytheistic worship in the modern world.

A complete outline of BA’s policies and guidelines is available here: http://www.neosalexandria.org/BAguidelines.pdf


Please pass on this information to anyone you think would be interested!
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One of my happy to-do's this weekend was to finally put together a strand for LM, to be used as a focus tool for working with him -- and just as a way of honoring him.

It did not go at all as I planned.

Crafty details )

It's not at all what I started out with, but I'm happy with it.

Photo behind the cut. )

Now it's time to go tend my altars. . .

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