Queen of Swords

Another SparkPeople inspirational email:

Sometimes it seems like we're always putting off our goals until some vague time in the future called "Once". "Once the New Year rolls around...", "Once I have my new job...", "Once I retire...", "Once the kids are in school...", "Once the kids are OUT of school..." Sound familiar? By waiting for Once to get here, we waste time and frustrate our desire to do what we really want. It's a fact of life that every time one potential distraction disappears, it's quickly replaced with a new one. There will always be something that can stand in your way - if you let it. Ask yourself: are these distractions real reasons, or just good excuses for putting something off? Goals cannot be started in the future. The laws of time and nature dictate that you can only act in the present. You are here, today. So are your goals. The only good time to start is right now.


After making my day job the #1 reason for not fulfilling my dreams, I can not allow other excuses to get in my way now.

I try very hard to take responsibility for all my actions and their consequences.

Right now, as I have to rely on myself more than ever before due to my efforts to transform myself from an employee to a business owner, this is a good reminder.

We all need support from other people. Love, encouragement, words of advice and friendship will help you get through the important stages in your life. When people are in your corner, you feel like taking on any challenge. As important as help from others may be, though, it all has to start with you. If you're waiting for someone to solve your problems, or wondering when someone is "going to do something about that," you may be waiting a long time--unless you look to yourself first. Take responsibility for your own situation and think of what concrete steps you'll take today to help it. If you're going to need help, it's only fair that the person with the most at stake (you) is willing to make the most effort. When someone is pulling you out of a hole and has grasped your hand, you still must take the first step to climb out, or you're just going to be hanging there.


Nothing is going to happen to advance my dreams unless I take action first.
Only when I take action can the efforts of others, including spiritual allies, have any impact.


Quote was today's "Healthy Reflection" from SparkPeople.com. No attribution was given.

more animals


Wolfling and I were both sick last night, so I sent a text message to my boss at around 6:30am and called Wolfling's school, notifying all the proper authorities we were going to be out today, then I went back to sleep until 9:30. Wolfling is still asleep on the couch, where she relocated somewhere in the middle of the night.

The weekend was long, busy, and unproductive. Once Wolfling wakes up, we'll probably watch the last couple of episodes of Blood+ on the current disc from Netflix, then I'll get around to paying the bills I was supposed to have handled on Saturday morning. I also need to sort through the basket of general paperwork on my desk, and scan and send oakmouse my practice log from last week.

The biggest news from the weekend isn't quite ready to share yet. I think I've found a very good new area for my spiritual direction work -- but I want to do some more research and discernment before I discuss it here. I'm excited about the potential, but need to make sure I'm actually a good fit for the work.

Members of me_and_my_tarot, I hope to have the next lesson up before I go to bed this evening.

Sagittarius

The world is poised at the threshold of a great choice: Should we stick with what has worked for us, even though it's not working any more? Or should we experiment with possibilities that may work for us in the future, even though they don't have a track record? You, Sagittarius, can and should be a leader in this epic adventure. The best way to do that is to summon your dormant courage as you apply the big questions I just posed to the specific circumstances of your personal life.

http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/



As a matter of fact, I have plans for this weekend regarding certain "specific circumstances of my personal life."

I'm going to be using tarot in a consultation this morning, so I got out my beloved Robin Wood deck (the source of my former default userpic), and started dividing it into Major Arcana and suits to be sure I hadn't pulled one for meditation and forgotten to put it back.

As each card fell, I realized it looked faded and stale.

The once-vibrant images that have spoken so clearly to me over the years aren't going to work now. Not like before.

So I went upstairs to my tarot stash and started looking through the decks I've collected to see if any of them are speaking to me in a new way.

The Osho deck (not actually a "tarot") wanted to come downstairs. It may be the one I use this morning with my friend. It's an "outside the box" kind of oracle.

The Gilded Tarot has stepped forward to be my new default deck. It has gorgeous images that suggest the traditional Rider-Waite, but are fresher and more vibrant to my eyes. I'll have to actually work with it to see if there's an authentic connection, but right now it feels better than the Robin Wood.

I may have to find a sample of the Druidcraft Tarot (the source of the lovely Queen of Cups in the previous entry) and look through it to see if it will work.

Or. . . It may finally be time to create my own deck.


My skins just keep shedding. . .

Hmmm. . . There have been more than the usual number of quizzes and comics recently. Maybe I should try to post some actual content.

I've been doing a lot of processing of what happened at Pantheacon, and getting back on track with my daily spiritual practice.

I've started doing actual research for my book on Ereshkigal, which has been very satisfying.

I have four applications out for jobs in my current company, including the one still on hold. One of the hiring managers is actively interviewing now, but one of my friends works in her group and has strongly urged her to contact me. Also, Dave has called her boss's boss to pitch me. So I'll at least have the opportunity to try for it. There's hasn't been any contact on the other two jobs.

Now that I've settled into my practice again, work is somewhat less painful than it had been right after P-con, but I've received a couple of definite messages that now is the time to make changes.

To that end, I've also decided to put together a three-hour "Intro to Tarot" class to teach at local venues. I've had good success with teaching tarot informally. Time to leverage that. I also have pushed to the top of the To Do list the task: "Put testimonials into brochure and take to print shop" for my spiritual direction practice. There is no reason but inertia for me to not get that done.

I'm also enjoying corresponding with an old boyfriend with whom I've reconnected after 10 years. It's been interesting to get to know each other again. I'm going to drive a hundred miles or so in a couple of weeks to see him in a play and hang out, and I'm looking forward to it.

I feel like this journal hasn't had much substance to it lately. There's a lot going on, but most of it is happening on levels and in areas that don't lend themselves to public posts -- even by my usual willingness to disclose a lot.

So let's see. . . what can I say?

( Here are the high points, some of which have been discussed in more depth behind filters. )

Just wanted to record that I had my "practical" meeting with my spiritual director today. Instead of talking about my personal spiritual life, we talked about business licenses and record keeping and networking and referrals.

He said that because he's got as many clients as he can handle now that it's entirely possible that he'll be referring prospective directees to me in the future.

*wow!*

And I returned my draft brochure for edits this morning.


One foot in front of the other. . . .

I've fled the pool party and have spent the last several hours exploring my still-new neighborhood. I've driven a surprisingly short distance to get into the rural countryside and a picturesque small town, then went deeper into my own town and found a beautiful metaphysical bookstore with a cafe, a small performance space, and a schedule with tarot (and other) readers.

I spent some time talking with the delightful young woman at the counter and asked if there was room for another reader on the schedule -- and then went on to describe my spiritual direction practice. She responded very positively, saying that she needed someone like that, so I gave her my business card. She said she would also show it to Sarah, the owner.

I didn't get scared until afterward.

I need to follow up on this contact. That store had wonderful energy. It could be the jumping off point I've been looking for.

A month or more ago I was listening to one of my long-time favorite inspirational songs, "Pressure" by Billy Joel.

Hmmm. . . as I type this, I realize that it's kind of strange that it's an "inspirational" song, since it's cynical and derrogatory, but I guess that it's always inspired me to plunge in and handle pressure. (Plus I associated it with situations, mythical and real, in which I faced challenges and rose above the kind of sheltered background he mocks in the song.)

And that's not really a digression, because the whole point of this post was my realization that I have always expected that what I wanted and dared to reach for in this world would be challenging, that there would be opposition to overcome. I scrolled through my playlist, and was suddenly struck by how many of my favorite inspirational songs are about overcoming active opposition, including, for example, "Defying Gravity"

And nobody in all of Oz
no wizard that there is or was
is ever gonna bring me down!

But as I look back in my own life, no one has ever tried to bring me down.
Some situations have been challenging, sure.
But I personally have never had to face active opposition of what I really want.
(Which I realize is an amazing blessing.)

So why is it that when I imagine moving out into the world to pursue my vocation that I expect opposition?

Okay, I represent a minority spiritual perspective.
And people can get very, very touchy on the matter of spirituality and orthodoxy.
But really. . . given the audience to whom I will be presenting my message and offering my services, what are the odds of active, meaningful opposition?

So instead of listening to my favorite "rising above the challenges" songs, I'm going to make a playlist of "I'm Great and There's Nothing in My Way" songs, like Streisand singing "I'm Gonna Shine," or the Carpenters' "When You've Got What It Takes"

When you've got what it takes
you've got nothing to hide.
You've got miles of feelings and acres of pride.
You've got it.
You've really got it.

When you know who you are
then you live what you feel.
You give what you can and it's good
when you've really got it,
and when you've got it ---

Let it out
Let it show
Let 'em know inside you've got it
Let it shine like a bright tomorrow
For when you do
the feeling comes back to you

What a difference it makes
when you've got what it takes.

It's time to take another look at Rob Brezsny's Pronoia, and let him convince me that "the world is conspiring to shower you with blessings." I had put the book down shortly after I got it because I was put off by his assumption that everyone reading it was healthy, clothed, warm, fed, and etc. Positive thinking and assuming the universe is on your side is a lot easier when your basic physical needs are being met. I couldn't stop thinking about all the people who might pick up his book for a lift and be put off by the fact that his gratitude meditations assume such a level of prosperity to begin with. (Anyone who has read more and has a counter perspective is encouraged to chime in. There's a lot of neat stuff in the book, I know. Paging through it was dizzying and wonderful. I just couldn't take it systematically.)

Anyway. . . The bottom line this morning is this: no steeling myself for battle or worrying about opposition until such challenges actually appear. No victimizing myself!