Queen of Swords

This is evidently audio from a Modern Warfare game.
I'm finding it compelling, in a kind of scary way.
Truth is not always beautiful.


http://flipnote.hatena.com/5179CE901E280A6B@DSi/movie/280A6B_094E3B1F63EEC_005

"Native Americans, Aboriginal Australians, Taoists, Zen Buddhists, Tantric meditators, and mystics everywhere do not think of the Dreaming world as an 'un'-conscious. For these peoples, the sentient Dreaming world is the basic reality. Though marginalized and invisible to mainstream cultures today, Dreamtime has been the essential reality for people from the beginning of time."

-Arnold Mindell

A friend sent me this yesterday:

Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Love is the roots that grow towards each other underground, slowly and determined. And when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, you find you are no longer two, but one. One root, One tree, One Love.

- By Louis de Bernieres, from Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Another SparkPeople inspirational email:

Sometimes it seems like we're always putting off our goals until some vague time in the future called "Once". "Once the New Year rolls around...", "Once I have my new job...", "Once I retire...", "Once the kids are in school...", "Once the kids are OUT of school..." Sound familiar? By waiting for Once to get here, we waste time and frustrate our desire to do what we really want. It's a fact of life that every time one potential distraction disappears, it's quickly replaced with a new one. There will always be something that can stand in your way - if you let it. Ask yourself: are these distractions real reasons, or just good excuses for putting something off? Goals cannot be started in the future. The laws of time and nature dictate that you can only act in the present. You are here, today. So are your goals. The only good time to start is right now.


After making my day job the #1 reason for not fulfilling my dreams, I can not allow other excuses to get in my way now.

This was the inspirational quote from SparkPeople.com today:


Your goals may not come easy. There is no accomplishment without work, and no "win" without something to beat. It's easy to get discouraged when roadblocks appear--in fact, it's only natural. You've invested time and emotion into creating the perfect plan, and then something has to come along and muck it all up. Sometimes, though, all you have to do to beat that barrier is to get back up and move forward again. Obstacles are like the Wizard behind the curtain--they're a lot less intimidating once you see them up close. Next time you take a step back, don't let guilt pile it on top of your previous "stumbles." Just take two steps forward and you're still farther along than you were before. It doesn't matter how many walls you face. You only have to get the better of that last one.


I really like the metaphor of obstacles as the Wizard behind the curtain. I have a bad habit of letting obstacles appear much larger in my mind than they need to be. Intellectually I know that most of them can be easily dealt with if I simply face them and take constructive steps in a calm manner -- but all too often I end up standing well back and staring at them in terror, convinced they are insurmountable, and then go into avoidance behavior, frittering away my energy on inconsequential things.

I'm trying to transform my life right now. It's not just about a new job, it's about finding an entirely new way to generate an income sufficient to maintain Wolfling and I comfortably, while enjoying myself and using my true gifts. It's an exciting prospect, but it's also intimidating. It's hard for me to find the balance between breaking it down into manageable steps while keeping the bigger picture there to motivate me and remind me that it's about more than any one step.

Looking at job listings depresses me. I really, really would prefer to not go back into corporate life. And it's possible that I wouldn't have to. But if I'm going to create that reality, I have to pull back the Wizard's curtain and stop letting myself be intimidated by smoke and mirrors.

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone."

- Bill Cosby

Yesterday I had my monthly spiritual direction appointment, and my director pointed out two boxes of books which had been left by someone else for others to go througth and take what interested them.

This was the back cover text for "The Next Critical Step" by Bernard Theroux:

When you ignore the voice within, the longing of your soul, regarding what you are to do with your life, then frustration develops. If you use spiritual practices to help you to quiet those frustrations, what do you think will eventually occur? . . . These pages explore the possibility that acting upon your purpose may be the next critical step in the spiritual process.

Emphasis mine.


And then on page 31: "If you are at a place in your life where you feel great pressure to manifest your purpose, you should know that to not surrender to your calling is not an act of passivity. It takes great energy, great self-suppression, to hold back the creative force. You may want to ignore your calling, but that act of avoidance. . . is actually an act of great violence against yourself. The creative force is very powerful, and our habits of self-denial must be equally forceful to keep ourselves down. You must really choke the life out of yourself if you want to keep your calling hidden."



You must really choke the life out of yourself if you want to keep your calling hidden

I can't think of much a better way to summarize the crisis of the past couple weeks.

When you cannot make up your mind between two evenly balanced courses of action, choose the bolder.

– William Joseph Slim

In battle the cowardly out of fear for their lives
have chosen the means of retreat,
while the courageous, also from fear of their lives,
have charged toward the ranks of the enemy.
Heroes are borne onward by their fear and pain;
from fear, too, the human being of weak spirit dies within.

-- Mathnawi IV:2917-2919
Version by Camille and Kabir Helminski

"That which does not kill you was simply not permitted to do so for the purposes of the plot."

- Anon