Queen of Swords

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As soon as I read the question I felt rage surging through me, and could feel my body coil to attack the people standing around me.

Wolfling and uncrowned_king not real?

All the struggles and triumphs of 46 years nothing more than a dream?

Would I be 46 years old with no actual experience of life, just a mirage?


I have to think that if I were much younger it wouldn't affect me quite as intensely. If I were a teen, or perhaps into my early twenties, it wouldn't be so bad. But I've worked too hard to get where I am today -- and there are too many years behind me to make up for if it turns out to all have been a lie.

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Eliminate a holiday devoted to the celebration of romantic love?
NEVER!

I know it's commercialized. I know it can hurt like hell.
But I still think it's a wonderful idea.

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I'd actually been thinking about this. I'd call it "Unspeakable" because it would be about all things I haven't felt free to share most of my life.

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Pay down some debt and take Wolfling on a big adventure vacation.

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I'm really not quite sure how to answer this.

It seems that most of the things I've done that others have called "brave" are things I've felt I had no choice but to do, or things that really were not that big a deal to me, while the things that *I* felt took the most courage other people take for granted or embrace eagerly: choosing to get pregnant, for example.

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If I told you, I'd have to kill you. . . .

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I'm not sure how much there is left to mine of these books, but each of them has a compelling story, sympathetic characters, and writing styles which really works for me.

My Big Three:
The Lions of Al-Rassan, by Guy Gavriel Kay
Beloved Exile, by Parke Godwin
Shards of Honor, by Lois McMaster Bujold

Others I Love:
Banewreaker/Godslayer, by Jacqueline Carey
Waiting for the Galactic Bus, by Parke Godwin
Lammas Night, Katherine Kurtz
Summer of the Red Wolf, by Morris West
Sailing to Sarantium and Lord of Emperors, by Guy Gavriel Kay
The River Why, by David James Duncan
The Moon Under Her Feet, by Clysta Kinstler

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The older I get, the harder it is to answer this question. I've enjoyed a range of satisfying accomplishments in my life, but it's hard to single out any one as a "proudest."

Although when it comes right down to it, I guess I'd have to say that I'm pretty darn proud of the job I've done raising Wolfling so far -- because it's required such stretching and growth in order to do it well.

But I'm also very proud of both my theses and the degrees that came with them. I'm proud of directing The Abdication and stage managing Hamlet, and the other shows I've done. I'm proud of being good at being Director of Marketing for the rocket company and helping it earn one of the best reputations in the field for customer service. I'm proud of winning two top awards at FormerMyCo that admins don't usually get. I'm proud of persisting in my priestess training and reaching the point I have. I'm proud of being self-supporting, and for continuing to strive to be better able to be a good material provider for myself.

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Any hour with Him.

And I wouldn't change a blessed thing.

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No one is going to be surprised by my response to this. . .



I believe in the concept of a soulmate because of my experiences with uncrowned_king. I have no idea if everyone has a soulmate or not; I only know that I do.

Prior to Lohain, I did not believe in soulmates. Instead I focused on the wonderful richness of having intense and meaningful love relationships with a variety of different people. I was polyamorous and happy with it (once I figured out what polyamory was!).

Being with Lohain changed that. I never made a conscious decision to stop being polyamorous -- and maybe other things might have turned out to be less painful if I'd had that self-awareness. Instead, over time, without fully being aware of it, I turned more and more to him because what I shared with him was simply 'more' than even the wonderful things I was experiencing with LB.

Even now, more than two and a half years after his death, having pretty much come through my grieving process, I have a hard time imagining love, romance or sexual intimacy with anyone else -- even though sometimes I long for it more than I can say.

Because of what I experienced with uncrowned_king, I have a hard time imagining that one's soulmate "gets away." Part of what was so extrordinary with him was the mutuality of it. The only way I can imagine someone being able to walk away from that would be if they were already married or in some other way bound by a lifelong oath and were not free to fully engage in the relationship.