qos | Entries tagged with bdsm

Yes, I'm still alive. . . !

30 minutes ago I received an email from the Communications Director at my old work site letting me know that the Communication Consultant job has finally been posted on our internal jobs website. Apparently there are several people interested, but she said that I'm a competitive candidate. I responded the moment I saw the email, telling her I would apply this weekend.

Then I had a minor panic attack because I want so very badly to NOT BE AN ADMIN ANYMORE. I WANT TO WRITE. And I SPENT A LOT OF MONEY TO EARN AN MS IN HEALTH COMMUNICATION SO I *WOULD* BE COMPETITIVE FOR A JOB LIKE THIS. But I am also scared to death of the risk of the change, and maybe not actually being good enough. Or maybe not actually enjoying the position. Or taking on a lot more stress than my current job involves.

But there's also the fact that the mid-point of this salary band is $30K more than I am making now.
That's worth a lot of increased stress.

And I would be able to work from home a lot.

So please light some candles for me this weekend as I work on updating my profile.

Also: on Saturday I presented a two hour workshop on Sacred Sexuality & Kink 101. It was the first time I presented without being sponsored, endorsed, or otherwise had the stamp of approval by some external authority. So that was huge. I had 11 or 12 people attend, and received $108 in my donation jar. Feedback was excellent.

But what boggled me. . . and what I want to write more about later. . . is that the significant majority of the participants had no personal spiritual life or experience to speak of. They went out of their way to attend a workshop on sacred sexuality without having a clear understanding in their own mind of what the sacred is, or any real relationship with it. And no one seemed able or willing to articulate why they wanted to learn about sacred sex and kink if the sacred didn't have any particular meaning elsewhere in their lives.

I understand that to a lot of people "sacred sex" means "ecstatic orgasms" -- and that's fine, but that's not what my session was about, and I was up-front about that in my description.

Now I want to create a Spirituality 101 class for people who are interested in learning about how to engage with The More, but don't have the background or vocabulary or context to know how to begin.

Went for a 2.19 mile walk.

Got a two hour massage.

Met

alfrecht and

erynn999 for a good conversation at a cool Pagan bookstore.

Had a nice dinner out, even though a friend had to cancel on me at the last minute and the restaurant screwed up my order the first time. Fortunately I was not in a hurry.

Tried to get to my evening appointment but was significantly delayed because I had not reckoned on most of downtown being blocked off for the Torchlight Parade. Fortunately I was not in a hurry.

Went to a playparty and had a good time with a new friend.

Bought a gorgeous rapier-foil at the party, perfect for a pirate captain.

Got home a little after midnight, went to bed around 1:30.

Woke up all too early this morning and could not get back to sleep.

I was scheduled to walk with

watcher457 this morning, but I think it's going to be just a "kick back and chat" session instead. I'm going to need a nap before I'm up for any additional activity.

I've been wrestling recently with how to explain that I'm now working seriously with a "dark goddess" as part of my spirituality. It can be tough enough to describe Paganism in a way that people a) take seriously and b) don't get scared by -- but talking about working with an underworld goddess, and one with something of a bad reputation at that, doesn't make it any easier.

Not coincidentally, I've run across some discussions about bdsm recently that focus on the "dark" aspects as part of the attraction. Some people engage in bdsm because they delight in the sense of transgression. They like the thought that they're doing something "bad".

That's never been my kink.

What suddenly became clear to me during a discussion on this topic in another forum, is that I've contributed to my own frustration by allowing myself simply accept the whole "dark/light" dichotomy in the first place. Again, it's a weakness of the Queen of Swords archetype: a tendency to see or analyze things as an either/or model.

( The rest behind a cut, because it might get long and rambly, and some of you might not want to follow this train of thought. )

And maybe this is where things come full circle for me. As a priestess of a "dark goddess" part of my work is to be familiar with both positive and negative darkness and able to work in and with both. Ereshkigal is a mistress of the descent. She presides over the ordeals which overtake us -- whether voluntarily or otherwise -- and helps us transform them into growth experiences, to gain strength and wisdom from them. She is a guardian of boundaries (in contrast with Inanna, who transgresses boundaries) and her stories illustrate the power of righteous rage when she is violated.

I aspire to be an ordeal mistress, someone who can facilitate rituals which promote transformation, healing, and/or transcendence in the participant(s) through extremes of sensation and challenge. I want to be able to help a person move something they have kept in darkness into the light, whether that is the pain and shame of past injuries, or their own hidden strength and power -- or both, or more. (I also want to do this outside the context of ritual ordeals.)

Darkness can be the depths of the compost pile where things break down, ferment, and explode into new life. Darkness can be the quiet room where contemplation leads to peace. Darkness can be the apophatic perception of the Divine.

Darkness can be the shadows which scare us, our own personal monsters, which we have to face in order to claim their power.

To say "dark bad, light good" is to miss -- and misunderstand -- the richness of possibility for what can be found in the darkness.

As I mentioned recently, my sister's belated birthday gift to me was the season one DVD collection of the tv series Bones, which is about Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan, a beautiful, brilliant, Queen of Swords type forensic anthropologist who solves murders with hunky, intuitive FBI agent Seeley Booth. The primary supporting characters are Brennan's team: a specialist in spores and slime who's a conspiracy theorist as well as being secretly wealthy, a geeky genius kid who is Brennan's protege, and an artist who does facial reconstruction from skulls and holographic sequences of possible murder scenarios. They're a quirky, brilliant group, and fun to spend a few hours with. Since I don't usually watch series television, it's an anomaly for me to be spending an hour or two on the couch each evening since Christmas Eve watching it.

The relentless parade of macabre human remains and murder reconstructions -- not to mention back-to-back episodes about murdered kids -- may also have had an impact on my mood the last few days, but that's not the point right now.

The point is two episodes which made a point of featuring -- in the worst possible light -- two subcultures to which I belong: bdsm practitioners and role playing groups.

( More behind the cut )

Interestingly enough, I felt more personal offense at the way the gamer kids were portrayed and judged than the way the kinky folks were. It seemed to me to be disingenuous that a tv show would mock the ability of others to submerge themselves in story and escape for a while into another world, another identity.

Of course, normal people don't dress up in costumes and pretend to be heroic characters. Normal people sit on the couch and watch other people pretending to be heroic. Right?

I guess this post doesn't have much of a point except to observe my own reaction to the two episodes. I've never taken things like this personally before, never felt personal indignation that there wasn't the slightest suggestion that even if these characters were bonkers, they weren't representative of their entire groups. Go ahead: write stories about kinky killers and delusional kids. They exist. But there are far more sane, law-abiding members of each group. Not as much fun to write about, I know -- but at least acknowledge that your colorful characters are the lunatic fringe.

This evening I'm sorely wishing I saw a few more stories about smart heroes who happen to like kinky sex, or geeky kids whose amazing research skills and sincere aspiration to heroism solve a murder, and I saw fewer cheap shots at vilified caricatures designed to make protagonists -- and viewers -- feel disdainful and morally superior.

I'm sure it's only a matter of time before I'm treated to an episode in which creepy, "delusional" witches are involved in a murder involving poisonous herbs or an athame.

I can't wait. . .

Current Mood: contemplative

I was making notes for my class this morning, and it suddenly occurred to me that I don't have any personal experience with ritual scourging as practiced in some branches of Traditional witchcraft (or other groups with codified rituals and initiations).

Does anyone here have that experience, or know someone who does who would be willing to share with me? Or have a pointer to good material on it? (There's an account in Kaldera's Dark Moon Rising, but I'd like to have several resources.)

You can comment here, refer friends here, and/or use the Send Message feature to contact me privately.

Thanks!

Current Mood: hopeful

I WAS SELECTED FOR PANTHEACON!!

My proposal -- Feral Holiness: BDSM & The Sacred -- is scheduled for Monday, February 18th at 3:30pm.

I didn't really expect them to choose me.

It's going to be exciting to turn the proposal into a full-fledged class.

I'm overwhelmed. . .
This is a major opportunity, a huge adventure, a huge step forward on my path.

Current Mood: jubilant

I feel like this journal hasn't had much substance to it lately. There's a lot going on, but most of it is happening on levels and in areas that don't lend themselves to public posts -- even by my usual willingness to disclose a lot.

So let's see. . . what can I say?

( Here are the high points, some of which have been discussed in more depth behind filters. )

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2	3	4	5	6	7	8
9	10	11	12	13	14	15
16	17	18	19	20	21	22
23	24	25	26	27	28	29
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Queen of Swords

From the sublime to the ridiculous

Entries tagged with bdsm

Oh Yikes. . . The Writing Job Has (Finally!) Been Posted

Yesterday and This Morning, in Brief

Darkness

Warning: Dangerous Kinksters and Gamers!!

Ritual Scourging

P-Con Chose Me!

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