First Round of Answers

These are actually answers to scinnlaeca's "Five Questions Meme" post.

1. In what spiritual tradition, if any, were you raised?
I was raised as a mainstream, non-denominational Protestant. My father was (is) a former minister who had left the church after a crisis of faith, and my mother was still a believer. They found a church where both were comfortable and raised my sister and me as Christians who had a better-than-average grasp of biblical scholarship and who were given common sense reasons for rules rather than just "God says so." I had nothing but positive experiences growing up Christian and am still influenced by my Christian roots.

2. How did you get from there to beginning on your current Path?
Ha! That's the big question these days. My dad asked me that question a couple of months ago and I still haven't been able to give him an answer.

Short form: I had an existential crisis during my sophomore year of college, leading first to atheism, then to agnosticism, then to Goddess worship. It's been a long and winding road since then, including ordination as a Grail Priestess in a Christo-Pagan Order of the Grail, a stint spent in the Swedenborgian church (where I thought I was going to become a pastor), and finally, after uncrowned_king's death, to the path of the underworld priestess.

3. What is your favorite Tarot deck?
The Robin Wood tarot. No question. See icon.

4. What, to you, is the most sacred thing about sex? (Obviously, it's all sacred, so one thing in particular.)
The most sacred sex I've experienced was initiatory and transformational. uncrowned_king and I advanced each other along our paths through our sacred intimacy.

5. What is your greatest challenge, spiritually?
So many things leap to mind. . .
Consistency of practice is the biggest challenge.
On my current path, not letting my rational mind derail me when I need to simply let go and trust my intuition and/or the seemingly non-rational practices.

Answering Questions

Someone asked:

On Friends. . . A friend asks you to keep a secret. You agree. Does the promise to keep the secret survive the friend's death?

Yes - unless the friend specifically said that death would release me from my promise.

That said, there could be situations when I would consider it appropriate to break the promise -- but there would have to be a specific and compelling reason, such as the welfare of someone important to my friend. "It doesn't matter anymore" is not a good reason.



On LiveJournal. . . are you addicted? Either way, what does LiveJournal add to your life?

Yes, I'm addicted. Most of my best friends today are people I first met on LJ.

LJ has enabled me to meet and share the lives of wonderful, fascinating people I never would have known otherwise.

My LJ friends offered sympathy and cheer through years of flooding basements, Miss V, the Upstairs Dramas, and the death of my love. My LJ friends have shared my spiritual journey and gifted me with their own wisdom and experience. They've shared their own trials and challenges and triumphs, their poetry, icons, LOL's, and book and movie reviews.

Without LJ there would be no _storyteller_ and no uncrowned_king, which means my life would be unimaginably different. There would be no oakmouse and so an entirely different priestess path. No kateri_thinks sharing Wicked and going to Florida. . . . And the list goes on.

Even More Answers

Someone asked:

What are your favorites times to listen to music? What are your favorite kinds of music for exercise? Bedtime? When you're feeling sad? When you're feeling happy? Who are your favorite musicians?

Favorite time to listen to music - in the car
Favorite kinds for exercise - upbeat 80's pop, show tunes
Bedtime - I can't fall asleep listening to music
Feeling sad - I try to avoid music when I'm sad, because it either jars me or sends me deeper. This is very different from when I was younger.
Feeling happy - Upbeat pop, "young Country", show tunes, soundtracks by John Williams
Favorite musicians - I don't know that I have any these days, to be honest. I have a huge music collection, but no one who particularly moves me right now.



Can you imagine a situation where you, as you are now, would feel called to a clergy position in organized religion? What would be necessary for it to happen? Have you seen any such situation in any civilization, fictional or nonfictional?

Ooohhh. . . As tempting as it is to imagine myself as a priestess in a Pagan temple of some kind, I have to come back to the answers I arrived at back in seminary a few years ago.

The fact is that I'm an introvert, and as such would find it a significant emotional challenge to function as clergy within an organization. I've also long felt myself answerable only to my gods, not to a human organization, so I don't know how well I'd be able to keep myself within the boundaries of the official doctrine.

If I ever were clergy, it would be within a faith where there was a goddess with a bright and a dark face and her consort, where there were rituals of both ecstasy and grieving, of ascent and descent, of love-sex, marriage, birth, death, and rebirth.


Has your use of livejournal changed at all over the years? Are there items you post more or less now than you used to?

To my chagrin, I'm posting far less of the serious intellectual-spiritual material than I did when I first started LJ. No longer being in seminary has a lot to do with that, but I feel like my journal is no longer as interesting as it was in the beginning.

Thankfully, I'm posting far less about domestic and work dramas than I did: no more issues with flooding, the impossible folks Upstairs at the old place, or Miss V.

Poem Question

Someone asked

How does the poem at the sidebar of your journal inform your approach to ANY of the six topics about which you invited inquiry? Please pick at least two.


I grew up being taught that it was very important to show myself in public as being a respectable, "normal" person. My father was a person of influence in our community, and my mother's constant message to my sister and me was that everything we did reflected on him. My parents had a very low tolerance for anything that could be considered counter-cultural. What wasn't judged potentially dangerous was dismissed as "weird." I grew up being very good at being the very model of a Good Student, Good Christian Girl, Good Citizen, Good Daughter, and etc. And I created a secret code so I could write all my not-Good secrets, fantasies, and desires without fear of being exposed for not being quite as Good as everyone thought.

To this day, I struggle with the thought that what I believe and do will be dismissed as "weird" by those whose respect I desire. It takes me a while to get around to asking myself why I want the respect of anyone who would pass such a judgement on me or something important to me.

One of the wonderful things LiveJournal has done for me -- which I failed to address in the previous questions about LJ -- was that I was able to, in a mostly anonymous venue, start to be open about those parts of me I'd always kept hidden. And instead of finding myself dismissed, ridiculed, or judged harshly, I found affirmation and a community of like-minded people.

[ETA: There are also more than a few folks who have friended me here and remain my friends despite significant differences in our beliefs.]

The last few years of my life have been a struggle for authenticity in my public self, to find the happy medium between being open and honest about the truth of my life and beliefs -- and sexuality -- and reasonable/polite discretion in places where such discussions and revelations are not always appropriate.

I have to believe in my own "unacceptable self" if I'm going to plumb the depths of my own spirituality, serve my spiritual community, and make my wider community safer for people who share my beliefs.

I've had to come to terms with my "unacceptable self" sexually to find the deepest of intimacy and greatest of joys with partners who are similarly "unacceptable."

In being bold about my "unacceptable self" here on LJ and in the wider community I've found more and better friends, since we meet from a place of authenticity rather than pretense.

Question About Love

Someone asked

I know you are hoping to date and fall in love again. what can you tell me about what you are seeking from a potential partner?

When I read this, my first thought was You're mistaken. I never said that.
The thought of loving anyone else, being partnered with anyone else, feels like profound infidelity.

And yet, I can easily imagine I did write that, or something close to it, at some point over the past year and a half.

The fact is, I'm back where I was three or four years ago: I'm not looking for anyone, but I'm aware that the universe can throw some amazing curve balls. uncrowned_king is still deep in my heart, still a living reality for me, and I simply can not imagine giving my heart to anyone else. But I've learned to never say never.

I start to try to imagine "what I would look for in a potential partner" and everything leads right back to uncrowned_king. I can't imagine sharing with someone else what is so deeply associated with him: a spiritual connection, a temperment that complements mine, a friend who sees and loves every part of me, someone who enjoys similar activities but who broadens my world with new interests. . . someone I feel safe with, who I believe will stand beside me and protect me -- and let me protect him when appropriate.

I want a warrior-king who honors and cherishes, delights in and lusts after his queen-priestess.

I'm not sure how many of those there are in this world.

Or if I have room for another one in my heart if I do find one.

Want More Answers?

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