Poem Question

[qos]

Someone asked

How does the poem at the sidebar of your journal inform your approach to ANY of the six topics about which you invited inquiry? Please pick at least two.


I grew up being taught that it was very important to show myself in public as being a respectable, "normal" person. My father was a person of influence in our community, and my mother's constant message to my sister and me was that everything we did reflected on him. My parents had a very low tolerance for anything that could be considered counter-cultural. What wasn't judged potentially dangerous was dismissed as "weird." I grew up being very good at being the very model of a Good Student, Good Christian Girl, Good Citizen, Good Daughter, and etc. And I created a secret code so I could write all my not-Good secrets, fantasies, and desires without fear of being exposed for not being quite as Good as everyone thought.

To this day, I struggle with the thought that what I believe and do will be dismissed as "weird" by those whose respect I desire. It takes me a while to get around to asking myself why I want the respect of anyone who would pass such a judgement on me or something important to me.

One of the wonderful things LiveJournal has done for me -- which I failed to address in the previous questions about LJ -- was that I was able to, in a mostly anonymous venue, start to be open about those parts of me I'd always kept hidden. And instead of finding myself dismissed, ridiculed, or judged harshly, I found affirmation and a community of like-minded people.

[ETA: There are also more than a few folks who have friended me here and remain my friends despite significant differences in our beliefs.]

The last few years of my life have been a struggle for authenticity in my public self, to find the happy medium between being open and honest about the truth of my life and beliefs -- and sexuality -- and reasonable/polite discretion in places where such discussions and revelations are not always appropriate.

I have to believe in my own "unacceptable self" if I'm going to plumb the depths of my own spirituality, serve my spiritual community, and make my wider community safer for people who share my beliefs.

I've had to come to terms with my "unacceptable self" sexually to find the deepest of intimacy and greatest of joys with partners who are similarly "unacceptable."

In being bold about my "unacceptable self" here on LJ and in the wider community I've found more and better friends, since we meet from a place of authenticity rather than pretense.

Comments

[athenian-abroad.livejournal.com]

And instead of finding myself dismissed, ridiculed, or judged harshly, I found affirmation and a community of like-minded people.

Plus some inkling that un-like-minded people might not be unremittingly hostile.... He adds. :-)

[qos.livejournal.com]

Yes, in fact.

I was thinking about that when I wrote the entry, but somehow didn't end up including it.

There are more than a few folks who have friended me here and remain my friends despite significant differences in our beliefs.