Goals: Focus & Emotion & Overcoming the Spoiled-Rotten Kid

I had the pleasure of having athenian_abroad and our mutual friend Nick as houseguests last weekend. The three of us go waaaay back: Nick and I to 1978, with athenian_abroad becoming our friend in 1981. Lots of history.

On Sunday morning, Nick slept in very late so athenian_abroad and I had several hours hours to ourselves to talk, and he had some very good questions and helpful insights about where I am right now and what I want to do. To me, his very presence is inspiring. He's brilliant. Talking to him makes me feel like I really need to gain some clarity in my thinking and become better educated. There are not many people who have that effect on me!

During our conversation I had an important realization: that I've been stalling out on most of my big goals because I'm allowing myself to be derailed by emotional reactions to the tasks/steps instead of allowing my excitement/commitment to the big goal itself to inspire me and move me forward. For example, I know I want more spiritual direction clients. I feel alive, excited, meaningful when I have a session with my one client -- or with a spontaneous direction-like encounter with a friend or stranger, and I would really like to make enough income from my vocation to free me from needing to work a full-time day job -- but it's all too easy to stall out over creating the marketing pieces (business cards, brochures, website, article for local special interest papers) which will actually introduce me and what I do to a wider audience. I say I want more friends, want to get more involved in certain communities, but when activities appear on my calendar I look forward to them for a week but when the time comes I say "I really don't feel like going out."

That's short-sighted. It's childish. I'm letting my "don't wanna" inner kid prevent me from making progress on what I say are important goals.

This is the same inner kid who gets bored with spiritual practice, cooking healthy meals, and getting on the treadmill. She's a spoiled brat -- a real pain! -- and I've been letting her get away with murder, letting her get away with tantrums and obstruction which I would never tolerate from Wolfling. She's pleasure-focused, short-sighted, prefers comfort and indolence to achievement, satisfaction, and meaning. A little of her is good and healthy -- but she's been ruling my life and it's long since time I put her in her proper place. But it's going to be tough to change those habits of thought and choice.

Wolfling is spending this weekend with her dad. I'm going to use the time alone to do the personal inventory I posted about yesterday -- and take a long, serious look at where I am, where I want to be, and what I need to do to get there.

As ever, I return to the quote by Sean Connery from the movie The Untouchables: What are ye prepared ta do?




I know I've made posts like this before and they haven't been followed by much real action. (It's embarrassing.) But I need to keep having the realizations over and over until they stick. I need to keep trying new things, taking the baby steps, if I'm going to get anywhere.

Raging Sexism

I made a post under my Sexuality filter a few minutes ago about an article sent by an old friend that pissed me off. I just went back and re-read it, and keep seeing more to get angry about.

This bit for example:

Men have it within their power to stop contaminating the future-wife pool.

Because of course all women really want to do is be Good Wives, and they certainly would never willingly choose to do anything on their own -- like have premarital sex -- to "contaminate" themselves and render themselves less fit to be Good Wives, now would they???


Gack!

(Note: if men -- or women -- want to refrain from pre-marital sex on moral grounds, more power to them. What I object to is this author's placing the entire responsibility for women's choices on men, and making it seem like a woman's primary purpose is becoming a wife.)