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Persistence

So much in my life has come easily to me, especially in the area of study. Today it has been made very clear to me that this path will demand persistence.

Sunday is the day I have dedicated to Isis, and when I sought an audience with her today, her primary message was that it will be necessary for me to prove my worthiness to progress in this training. My good intentions are not in doubt, nor is my heart -- but certain gifts are not to be had simply for the wanting or the showing up. And although She did say so directly, I suspect that some gifts can not be truly owned without persistent work, because that's just the nature of things.

I think I wrote here before that my first specific assigned task has been to seek out a particular gate and look through it. I've had all kinds of adventures while trying to complete the assignment -- but have yet to actually look through the gate more than once. And the one time I managed that, I made a couple of mistakes.

So both yesterday and today I attempted the gate again, with mixed success. I still haven't looked through it, but today I got closer than ever before. I'm not sure why I haven't been able to do this, when I can see so many other things in the inner world clearly -- and Isis has smilingly declined to tell my teacher what the block is. It's something I get to figure out and overcome for myself.

And -- somewhat to my surprise -- I'm finding that that's a good feeling.

A Test of the Underworld

Today after attempting the gate, LM urged me to take advantage of the nice grassy area on the edge of the desert and make love with him. This seemed like a lovely idea, and we were in a relaxed, romantic mood. We reclined together, starting to kiss -- when suddenly he was enclosed in a tree that hadn't been there a minute ago.

One of the ways I distinguish between an inner world experience and simple imagination is that when in the inner world, I can't simply make something happen. I hadn't been thinking of trees, but one appeared and enveloped LM. And when I tried to imagine him back with me it did not work.

The only remotely reasonable explanation I had was that we had been swept into an element of Isis's story: the body of Osiris had been hidden in a swamp, and a tree grew up out of it. A king took the strong, fragrant tree and made it a column in his palace. Isis became a human servant, earned a boon from him, and regained the tree. Since this was my Isis day, and I had just been reading about the sorrows of Isis in The Moon Under Her Feet, I guessed that I had been given the opportunity to participate more directly in that story.

But that was just a guess. And I had no idea what to do about it.

I broke out of the journey and reached out for LM. I could not sense his presence. So I called my teacher, asked her if she could sense him. He very often appears next to her when she's talking to me, but this time she said, "No, I can't feel him. Scotty says he's all right, though. What's up?" I explained what was going on. She listened and conveyed a message from Scotty. "He asked if you chopped the tree down."

No, I hadn't. I'd thought about it, but hadn't been sure it was a good idea.

"You need to chop the tree down, then use your sword to split it open and free him. Don't worry, you'll nae hurt him."

( The story continues. . . )