Hawks

oakmouse recently posted a wonderful hawk story. Here's mine:

When I was in my senior year of high school, my entire family drove from our hometown in SW Washington to southern California during Christmas vacation so I could do an admissions interview at the college I wanted to attend.

We spent the first night of the trip somewhere in central Oregon and got up very, very early in the morning to hit the road again. Somewhere in those central plains, shortly after sun-up, with "Here Comes the Sun" playing on the radio, I looked out my window and was stunned to see a hawk keeping pace with the car just outside and above my window. It was close enough that I could look up and see one golden eye.

It was utterly magical. For several long seconds I just watched the hawk, entranced, then it shifted its wings and soared up and away.

It was a moment of grace.

Job

I'm feeling so trapped and frustrated at work it's making me feel physically ill. Not enough to knock me out, but enough to be noticeable.

And then I compound my frustration by thinking I couldn't find another job with the salary and benefits I'm getting if I leave the company -- a self-defeating story I would utterly reject if a friend tried to tell it about her own situation.

I have options. It's simply a matter of looking.


"We are all. Free. To do. Whatever. We want. To do."
- Richard Bach

Moving Forward

This afternoon I sent this email to my spiritual director:

Hello, T___ --

The last few days at work I've been feeling more and frustrated, more and more
aware that I want to start putting more time and energy into developing my own practice/ministry as a spiritual director and less time tending the administrative needs of [my company]'s employees.

You and I have talked about and around this several times over the past year or
so, but I've never taken you up on your offer to have a focused conversation
about how I make the leap and start seeing directees of my own.

I have accepted the fact that I will probably never feel "ready".
I have moved from thinking that I need to have "more confidence" or "more
courage" to a place of realizing that I need to have *faith* -- it's not
about me being "good enough," it's about me hearing the call, responding,
and trusting that God will partner with me and support me in my vocation.

I want to move forward, and I would very much like your counsel and input about
the practical/pragmatic aspects as well as the spiritual. Is this something we can
schedule a separate meeting to talk about -- or correspond via email about?

With gratitude,

QoS


I also responded to an email from my former shamanic teacher, who is offering marketing and networking assistance to holistic practitioners. We're looking at September 1st as a date to get together.

And finally, this comment from oakmouse was a comfort: One of the issues about receiving initiation is that if it's effective, then the things in your life that already weren't working proceed to fall apart completely.

So this is a good thing, right?




(Yes, I know it's a good thing. I've been waffling about this step for more than a year now, as you are all more than aware.)

Imagine This Icon Inverted

I am feeling beaten up by the Pentacles realm today.

I can accept that my 'divine discontent' about my job is A Good Thing.

But putting three beautiful steaks on the grill, having them not cook but still end up tasting like lighter fluid after being broiled is so Not Good.


Pizza just arrived.

*sigh