Queen of Swords

It's 8:52am.
I'm sitting at my dining room table, next to an open window, barefoot, wearing my pajama bottoms and one of Lohain's sweaters.
My daughter is at school.
Check-in at my hotel isn't until 3pm.

I have a nice, quiet morning ahead of me in which to make leisurely preparations for my journey to the island.

My packing list includes my regular journal, my priestess studies journal, a short stack of books, a couple of tarot decks, everything I need to perform a Grail Mass (including freshly-baked biscuits), my camera, my body pillow, hiking shoes, and my laptop. If I have free or low cost internet access in my room, or a strong signal on my gadget, you may well hear from me before I return on Monday evening. Then again, you may not.

Please send prayers and energetic thoughts for a_belletrist, who embarked alone this morning on the adventure and ordeal of the 3-Day walk, and who has been gracious beyond measure in her understanding of why I needed to take this time for rest and reflection instead. Between the two of us, we raised more than $4,400 for breast cancer research.

I'm off to check my friends page now, and respond to a couple of recent comments, then I'm going to start packing.

May you all be blessed this weekend, and find renewal and/or adventure in whatever forms best suit you.

Thanks to an unexpected donation from a cousin,
I now have more than the minimum required fundraising amount for the 3-Day:
$2,240!


I really need to start training again.


And get my medical release form turned in.

I'm wearing a pair of walking shoes that feel like the loving embrace of a strong man: firm, structured, supportive, tender.

I don't like to go clothes shopping. I never have.
I especially do not like shoe shopping.
I do not particularly care about shoes one way or the other.

I just had a wonderful time buying shoes -- and I am in love with not one but two pairs of shoes.

I went to Shane's Foot Comfort Center, one of the 3-Day outfitters. Their 3-Day listing offered a 20% discount on shoes and socks for 3-Day walkers, and their own web site promised that long-time shoe professionals would ensure a great fit.

They were right.

I'd never met a shoe geek before -- but Ron was an utter shoe geek. A soft-spoken man in his sixties, he helped me find the recommended two pairs of walking shoes, then helped me try on a dozen office casual shoes. His knowledge was amazing, as was his concern for ensuring that my non-matching, wide feet were perfectly cared for.

As the opening line of this post indicates, I'm giddy about the shoes I'm wearing now -- and the other pair, still in its box, is just as wonderful.

Tonight's training walk is going to be a very different experience than all the rest.

I just did my three miles for the day, and hated just about every minute of it.

However: it only took me 62 minutes, which is a 5 minute improvement over my initial time, and that does feel good.

Now for my second shower of the day, then fun.




There are Thin Mint Girl Scount cookies on my counter.
I'm not even tempted.

My body and I have a long and ambiguous relationship. I don't recall ever hating it, but I've also seldom cared enough to tend it properly. For most of my life, my body has simply been the transport vehicle for my head.

The periods during which I have tried to improve the relationship, to focus on its needs, eat right, exercise, etc. have been rewarding, but not rewarding enough for long-term consistency.

I haven't been on the scale for months -- possibly as long as a year. When I stepped on it this morning, I was stunned at how high the number was. Perhaps some of you know this feeling: I knew it was too high, but not that high!

It certainly re-confirms my decision to do the 3-Day.

I've been talking to the L's and to a_belletrist about it, and it's going to be a challenge on every level. But if when I complete it, I will have proven to myself that there is nothing I can't do.

What's especially interesting about this challenge is that it's one of the very few that I've taken on knowing that I would need and want company in it. It's hard for me to imagine walking 60 miles in three days without at least one friend right there with me. It's hard to imagine training for six months without a buddy. It's hard to imagine dealing with the fear without a friend -- or three -- to be a sounding board and help me talk it out.

Because I am afraid of this. No one element is really scary in itself. It's a lot of apprehensions that add up to fear: the physical challenge of 20 miles a day for three days, wondering how hot or wet the weather will be, about having the right gear, about the emotional challenges of being an introvert living with a crowd of strangers for three days, and etc.

The L's are helping me continue to process the energy awakening I'm experiencing, including helping me learn how to use that energy to increase my endurance and transform/transcend pain. Which adds an entirely new dimension to training.

I've done 2.5 of the four workouts on the training schedule, and need to improve that consistency -- but it's still far more than I have been doing. But Friday I was so wiped out that I went to bed early because I could scarcely think anymore. Last night I did my three miles in 69 minutes while watching the miniseries "Planet Earth" with _storyteller and my daughter. He helped me move the treadmill into the living room so I could watch, and then moved it back into my bedroom afterward. When doing endurance/duration work, it's so much easier to have company. High intensity I need to be alone to focus. For endurance, I need something to engage my mind, and moral support helps a lot. His saying "I'm proud of you," when I was just hitting two mile and wasn't enjoying the thought of the third made a huge difference to me emotionally.