Me and My Body -- and the Three Day

My body and I have a long and ambiguous relationship. I don't recall ever hating it, but I've also seldom cared enough to tend it properly. For most of my life, my body has simply been the transport vehicle for my head.

The periods during which I have tried to improve the relationship, to focus on its needs, eat right, exercise, etc. have been rewarding, but not rewarding enough for long-term consistency.

I haven't been on the scale for months -- possibly as long as a year. When I stepped on it this morning, I was stunned at how high the number was. Perhaps some of you know this feeling: I knew it was too high, but not that high!

It certainly re-confirms my decision to do the 3-Day.

I've been talking to the L's and to a_belletrist about it, and it's going to be a challenge on every level. But if when I complete it, I will have proven to myself that there is nothing I can't do.

What's especially interesting about this challenge is that it's one of the very few that I've taken on knowing that I would need and want company in it. It's hard for me to imagine walking 60 miles in three days without at least one friend right there with me. It's hard to imagine training for six months without a buddy. It's hard to imagine dealing with the fear without a friend -- or three -- to be a sounding board and help me talk it out.

Because I am afraid of this. No one element is really scary in itself. It's a lot of apprehensions that add up to fear: the physical challenge of 20 miles a day for three days, wondering how hot or wet the weather will be, about having the right gear, about the emotional challenges of being an introvert living with a crowd of strangers for three days, and etc.

The L's are helping me continue to process the energy awakening I'm experiencing, including helping me learn how to use that energy to increase my endurance and transform/transcend pain. Which adds an entirely new dimension to training.

I've done 2.5 of the four workouts on the training schedule, and need to improve that consistency -- but it's still far more than I have been doing. But Friday I was so wiped out that I went to bed early because I could scarcely think anymore. Last night I did my three miles in 69 minutes while watching the miniseries "Planet Earth" with _storyteller and my daughter. He helped me move the treadmill into the living room so I could watch, and then moved it back into my bedroom afterward. When doing endurance/duration work, it's so much easier to have company. High intensity I need to be alone to focus. For endurance, I need something to engage my mind, and moral support helps a lot. His saying "I'm proud of you," when I was just hitting two mile and wasn't enjoying the thought of the third made a huge difference to me emotionally.

Sick Cub

I got a call a little after noon today that my daughter, who the Ex's SO had already picked up from school because she was sick, was throwing up and really wanted her mommy. So I told my boss I had to go home, put the Out of Office message on my email, and headed out.

I found my little bear, wearing her footy jammies, curled up in a blanket on the couch with a basin on the floor next to her. A few minutes later, I was in my jammies too, and she snuggled up next to me.

We talked quietly for a few minutes, then she fell asleep, and I just sat there and held her for about twenty minutes, reveling in the sweetness of having my child fall asleep on me like that. She's big enough now that that doesn't happen very often.

I've disentangled myself, and she's readjusted her position again with just a murmur of "okay, Mommy," and gone back to sleep. I think I'll take a nap myself.