"Shamanic Trance Dancing" Workshop

[qos]

I've been having a difficult time figuring out what to say about the workshop. It was not what I expected at all, and far more challenging than I had expected.

It began conventionally enough, with a "talking cloth" (we didn't have a stick) passed around for people to introduce themselves and share briefly why they were there and what their hopes, fears and expectations were. Then one of the facilitators had us move one of our hands. Then we were to become aware of which part of our hand was leading the motion and then experiment with other leads: fingers, wrists, etc. Then we got on our feet and let different parts of our bodies move us around the room.

My experiences with Nia and my bellydancing videos were helpful here, because I was used to thinking about moving on multiple levels (low, middle, high) and both in front of and behind my torso. It was surprising and satisfying to feel that my movement vocabulary and awareness is larger than it was a couple of years ago.

All this was reasonably comfortable and familiar.



We'd been asked to bring bandanas. I had no idea why. I figured maybe they would be a prop for our dancing. Or maybe we'd form a circle with them to show unity, or something. . . No, they were to be blindfolds.

In order to reduce self-consciousness and focus inward, we were going to dance blindfolded, each of us keeping to a space equivalent to our own armspans. We were to start on the floor, and then -- as the music and spirit moved us -- or not at all -- rise gradually to dance on our feet.

Actually, I'd done this too once or twice, dancing privately for LM, so it didn't push my edges as much as it might have. What was startling and unsettling to me was what my body eventually started doing. I spent most of two music tracks on the floor and feeling comfortable with my body's movements.

Then I rose to sitting and started circling from my waist and hips. As my joints loosened up, I moved faster and faster, until it felt like the momentum was sweeping me around rather than conscious choice. It was almost an amusement park ride feeling -- and it started to get scary, because there was only this smooth but intense gyration: no control, no thought, only the increasing intensity of motion with no end or purpose that I could discern. Which is a quick way to deeply unsettle me.

I stopped the motion, but it felt 'wrong' to do so, like I needed to allow it to keep going and find its own end. Instead I got up and tried to dance in a small circle, spinning my whole body with my arms outstretched. After a while I wondered if this was something like the dervishes did. And then I thought I heard a chant of "Shiva" in the music. Then I became aware that I was moving fast and I didn't know how far my tiny footsteps might be carrying me outside my own space -- perhaps into the space of someone else -- and I shut down again.

And then the dizziness hit. I had to sit down.

By this time I was realizing that my water bottle was on the other side of the room -- and I wouldn't be able to see it if it were at hand anyway. I was unnerved by the intensity of the circling energy and not sure how to deal with it, and my stomach was slightly upset from the spinning. The facilitators had said that if we needed help to raise a hand and one of them would come over. I raised my hand and no one ever came.

That brought up another wave of discomfort and resistance -- but I worked through it. I'm a big girl. I can own this and work through it, and do what I need to do to take care of myself without having to break out of the experience. Eventually I started dancing again, but most of it was on the ground again.

I shouldn't put it as a "but". When the group came together again it turned out that a lot of people, including one of the facilitators, spent a lot of time close to the ground or on it. What a novel idea: to dance while lying on the floor. But in fact during the time when the music was at its fastest and most energetic I made a conscious decision to simply lie flat on the floor with my arms outstretched and allow the rhythm of the music to go through my body and have that be my dance. It turned out to be a rather powerful choice and experience.

My intention at the beginning of the workshop was "to dance joy" but that's not what happened. I danced my body. I danced circles, perhaps cycles. I danced the opening up of my pelvic area -- which is of particular significance after almost three years of celibacy and the contemplation of taking my first new lover since LM's death.

I danced my boundaries and my fear of going over my boundaries -- always an issue for this Queen of Swords.

I was pleasantly surprised that although my body was aware the next morning that it had been stretched and fully exercised, I wasn't anywhere near as sore as I might have expected. Internally I'm still a bit stretched and unsettled, however.

And I guess I need to go back into this circling movements and find out what's behind them. Maybe it's as simply as needing to break up trapped and stagnant energy. Maybe the serpent of my dream was there, moving me. I don't know.

It made me want to get back to Nia class, which I've been planning to do next month after I've settled into my new work schedule.

Comments

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

ooo. neat experience...

[sekhmetkare.livejournal.com]

Sounds like an awesome experience. I ended up doing a trance dance with Oya once; I was SURE I was turning in a very slow circle with my eyes closed, but apparently I was going pretty fast (and almosted ended up falling onto the altar!) I've also been bellydancing since 1984, and I know what you mean about the circles; I always seem to end up dancing in circles, no matter how big or small the space, no matter the shape. Personally, I think they are about cycles, and filling the space with your Self and your power, and also about the endlessness of things like time and birth and death and rebirth. It all goes on forever...

[alfrecht.livejournal.com]

Interesting experience!

Blindfolded dancing, though...Let me tell you, that pushed my buttons. Back in Sophomore year of SLC, I was in a dance piece once, and on the first practice, the choreographer had us break into pairs and lead one person around the room who had their eyes closed or blindfolded. I had no problem leading someone else around the room, of course. The whole thing was a trust exercise. Eventually, we had to run with the person, and I thought to myself "Yeah, that's not going to work for me," particularly since I've never been much of a runner. Well, it was even worse than that. As soon as it was my turn to be lead around, I was literally seeing walls everywhere, and reacting to them, and stepping and moving as if I were about to run into a wall. It was very painful and disorienting, and the person leading me around--while very nice and so on--didn't get that it wasn't her, it was me, and kept going "Nothing's going to hurt you!" and "Don't worry!" and so forth...but it wasn't a judgment of her, it was just me reacting to my own internal barriers of trust, etc. It was rather awful.

Luckily, we never did that again; however, we did other things that were difficult for me, but were ultimately useful and good to have done.

Bodies are weird...Minds are, too.

[blessed-harlot.livejournal.com]

For a couple different reasons, I interact with this description primarily through the coordination patterns, so I'll share that in hopes that something is directly or indirectly useful.

The exercise in discovering which part of your hand is leading the dance is very shape-oriented, your primary pattern. I can see it being an exercise that could be useful to you as an entry point to a lot of movement, as it could tap into a lot of your natural and cultivated body wisdom... a lot of ways of moving that are familiar and trusted, and can be reliable tools. I love the description as you feel some new part of yourself initiating the movement. I hope you have chances to explore that part.

Circling and spinning are both forms of swing, one of your secondary patterns (according to your test results one of the times I posted it, and as is reflected in your spiritual style). With swing you're moving around a centerpoint in a circular fashion. It sounds like your body really wanted to swing! Most of the people that I have worked with around coordination patterns have some powerful part of their well of passion tied to swinging energy at some point, even if that passion starts or ends up in some other pattern. Swing is also intimately tied to the hips.

I'm really excited that you tapped into so much intense movement of energy. To me, you had several separate moments of breakthrough into some new part of yourself. It sounds like very promising movement, both literally and metaphorically. I'm disappointed in the facilitators' neglect, but I'm glad you didn't let that overwhelm the rest of your experience.

Also, I'm a big fan of floor dancing and bed dancing. I find it to be a great way to get into movement when I'm not feeling I'm in the "ideal" space for body prayer, and a great way to shake things up when I'm feeling stuck.

Thank you for doing the work of finding some words to tell this story. I don't imagine it was easy.

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing your affirmations and insights.

My body definitely wanted to swing! Any ideas on the implications or roots of that? Or tips on how to pursue that exploration myself?

[blessed-harlot.livejournal.com]

You have such powerful work you've been doing, and such transformative intentions for yourself, that I believe the new part of yourself you're birthing is related to what I call swing energy, and is looking to connect in a new way with the rest of you. (I'm going to continue to use coordination pattern terms, not because I think you need more knowledge of them to explore what's going on, but because they're handy shorthand for bigger realities behind the words - families of movement and energy that resemble one another). You already have swing energy you use -- storytelling and icons/archetypal visuals are both swing-related, as is a collaborative interaction style. Perhaps you're embodying these things, or some other swingy thing, in a new way. There's also an element of swing that involves embodying two things at once, or cohabitating in two places, or two or more seeming "opposites" coexisting together (swinging back and forth between two points). So I can see how your sexuality could resonate deeply with that right now, and perhaps wish to draw even further from swingyness now than it has before.

Here's my thoughts on exploring this yourself. I would guess that the structure of this experience was a strength that supported you in tapping into what you did. To begin in a shape mode (the whole hand exercise as you described it) gives your body something with a visceral kind of familiarity or good fit, and allows you to do something like centering. Shape is really important to you, is your home base, is tied directly to your intellectual gifts, and is a vital part of this whole equation. To start with shape, move from that as a strength, then to move into swing mode allows the movement to arise from a place inside you that wants to swing and wishes to communicate something. I would also guess that the structure of this exercise parallels your communication with the goddesses you work with in some ways... you have a format for preparing yourself first, then listening. To make room for a voice inside you that feels this new or unfamiliar to you, a similar pattern may be useful. Allowing yourself some time for improvised movement will be important - you don't want to "put
words" into the "mouth" of this other voice that wants to speak.

One format for continuing the work is to have your own custom-made, two-part exercise: shape, then swing. You could begin with the hand dance from this trance dancing experience... or perhaps there's some NIA movements that feel right. Tai chi or yoga poses are shapey and could work too. Starting off the exploration with something choreographed may be useful to you here. Then, you can move into swing... first deliberately making swinging motions and then letting those motions take on a life of their own. There's spinning in circles, circling any body part, swaying back and forth, rocking. If the urges are as hip-based as they sound in your description, you
could see how many different ways you can circle your hips, until they start moving on their own again.

If that sounds too free-form to be a starting place, most lessons in swingy-type dance will start from a place of shaping some movements, then moving into the swing of things. Bellydancing, hula and swing dance would all incorporate swing. The main thing I think your body wants, though, is some time spent improvising, so that it can create the movements it wants to create. So some structure, within which there is some time for you simply to move as you wish to, is important.

All this is for you to take or leave as it fits or doesn't fit, of course. This is hard to find words for, and I've got considerable fatigue going, so let me know if you want a different explanation of any part. I want to reiterate that I feel the breakthrough you had was huge and fantastic, and reflects a lot of skill and integration on your part, especially considering the shortcomings of the facilitators' approaches.

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

This is all very helpful. Thank you!