In the Lap of the Goddess
Mar. 5th, 2009 06:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosAs I wrote last night, the last couple of days have been very intense and stressful, and the nightmares I suffered while trying to get some rest didn't help matters. (The nightmares seemed independent of the stress.)
My teacher had company when I called last night, but we had a couple of minutes for me to quickly tell her about my dreams, both of which included near-death experiences. She asked me what I'd been doing lately to cleanse and protect myself, and I went: *headdesk
So last night before bed I placed a dish of salt and a small bowl of vinegar on my dresser and then made sure I did a full cycle of practices, even though I was exhausted. The Middle Pillar was a bit more challenging than it has been lately, but when I finished I felt a definite improvement in my energy.
I tumbled into bed around 9:30, feeling utterly exhausted -- and for the first time I asked Ereshkigal if She would be close to me and just hold me.
Ereshkigal is not a cuddly goddess. I do feel love from Her, but it's usually in a "mine" kind of key: protective, affirming, but always with Her edgy energy keeping it kind of distant. My asking Her to hold and comfort me was a first -- as was Her actually doing so. (In contrast to Isis, who appeared to comfort me on a regular basis during some of the worst of the nights of my early grieving and held me in her lap within the shelter of her wings. Isis was cuddly, very tenderly mother-like -- at least in those encounters.)
As I lay in bed I felt myself lying in Her lap. She still wasn't cuddly, but I felt deep peace being close to Her, with Her willing to shelter and care for me like that. A little while later I finally realized that the dead tired exhaustion I was feeling corresponded to an energy leak. I've been learning to fix these myself, but I was so very tired. "Will you please help me with this?" I asked Her. No "tough love" from Her this time. She moved Her hands over my back, clearing things out, stitching me up. I started feeling more solid, less hollow, and breathed a prayer of thanks.
A little while after that LM showed up and Ereshkigal put me into his care. I wouldn't say that She did so with a sense of relief, but I did get the impression of "Here, this is your job - not mine." Again, Her love for me was never in question, but I don't think She's very comfortable with that kind of interaction. On the other hand, I did get a sense that when She's invoked it's so often around anger, hurt, pain, and other shadow work that it was kind of a surprising, refreshing change to be called on for gentle care, even if She wasn't entirely sure how to do it besides just letting me rest with her and stroking my hair. But it was enough.
LM examined my back and made a few adjustments to Ereshkigal's work, adding his own warm, golden energy to further heal and rejuvenate me, and then he held me as I fell asleep.
No bad dreams last night, and I'm feeling much more rested this morning -- although my back still feels like its healing.
My teacher had company when I called last night, but we had a couple of minutes for me to quickly tell her about my dreams, both of which included near-death experiences. She asked me what I'd been doing lately to cleanse and protect myself, and I went: *headdesk
So last night before bed I placed a dish of salt and a small bowl of vinegar on my dresser and then made sure I did a full cycle of practices, even though I was exhausted. The Middle Pillar was a bit more challenging than it has been lately, but when I finished I felt a definite improvement in my energy.
I tumbled into bed around 9:30, feeling utterly exhausted -- and for the first time I asked Ereshkigal if She would be close to me and just hold me.
Ereshkigal is not a cuddly goddess. I do feel love from Her, but it's usually in a "mine" kind of key: protective, affirming, but always with Her edgy energy keeping it kind of distant. My asking Her to hold and comfort me was a first -- as was Her actually doing so. (In contrast to Isis, who appeared to comfort me on a regular basis during some of the worst of the nights of my early grieving and held me in her lap within the shelter of her wings. Isis was cuddly, very tenderly mother-like -- at least in those encounters.)
As I lay in bed I felt myself lying in Her lap. She still wasn't cuddly, but I felt deep peace being close to Her, with Her willing to shelter and care for me like that. A little while later I finally realized that the dead tired exhaustion I was feeling corresponded to an energy leak. I've been learning to fix these myself, but I was so very tired. "Will you please help me with this?" I asked Her. No "tough love" from Her this time. She moved Her hands over my back, clearing things out, stitching me up. I started feeling more solid, less hollow, and breathed a prayer of thanks.
A little while after that LM showed up and Ereshkigal put me into his care. I wouldn't say that She did so with a sense of relief, but I did get the impression of "Here, this is your job - not mine." Again, Her love for me was never in question, but I don't think She's very comfortable with that kind of interaction. On the other hand, I did get a sense that when She's invoked it's so often around anger, hurt, pain, and other shadow work that it was kind of a surprising, refreshing change to be called on for gentle care, even if She wasn't entirely sure how to do it besides just letting me rest with her and stroking my hair. But it was enough.
LM examined my back and made a few adjustments to Ereshkigal's work, adding his own warm, golden energy to further heal and rejuvenate me, and then he held me as I fell asleep.
No bad dreams last night, and I'm feeling much more rested this morning -- although my back still feels like its healing.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-05 03:04 pm (UTC)Actually, I feel a silly kind of relief. If someone so clever and wise as you can do something so silly, maybe I'm not hopeless after all!
I suppose I'm spoiled. (Okay, I know I'm spoiled.) A. is an energy worker and he takes it upon himself to shield our home and my person. If -- Goddess forfend! -- anything should ever happen to him an energy leak would probably be the least of my goof-ups.
I'm pleased and relieved that Ereshkigal and LM came to your aid. If you need a refill, PLEASE accept some of my energy. I am currently a chalice, filled to overflowing, and I don't know what to do with it all! So I freely and lovingly offer some to you.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-05 04:41 pm (UTC)LOL!
Whatever my mental attributes, I'm still fairly inexperienced with basic magical and energy working principles and practice. It's a good thing I have my teacher to poke me!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-05 05:33 pm (UTC)And my offer stands. If you are in need, but speak the word and anything that I have to give is yours.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-05 05:43 pm (UTC)Thank you for the offer of energy. I'm actually in a good place right now, so I will decline, but I do appreciate it. When I have time, I need to make an entry about a quick but powerful lesson from LM this morning that has been very helpful in that regard -- and on other levels as well.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-05 07:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-05 04:28 pm (UTC)There is a great deal of charm in the awkwardness of someone who wants to love and comfort you and doesn't really know how. I could strongly see this with Ereshkigal ("Ask anyone you'd like for help, but don't ask me. It's not my thing.") but there is obviously deep love there.
I'm glad you're feeling better, dear.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-05 04:43 pm (UTC)Yes, as much as I would dare call Her "sweet" -- She was last night, in a kind of uncomfortable way. ;-)
I'm sorry that with all the intensity/drama going on I completely forgot to connect with you about a lunch date. Can we email and try to set a date/time?
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-05 04:47 pm (UTC)I shot you an e-mail.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-05 04:30 pm (UTC)I'm also very glad that you're feeling better.
I hate to bring this up, but the energy leak wasn't connected to loosing LM's bead strand was it? Unconsciously leaking energy seeking it out?
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-05 04:44 pm (UTC)That's a very wise insight. The other thing my teacher suggested I do recently is an inner working to cleanse the strand of the energy that connects it to LM and me and then release it. Have I done that yet? No. . . .
Thank you.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-06 03:17 am (UTC)And I'm always in awe of the highly connected, lucid spiritual experiences you have. I aspire to have them myself someday, but it's going to take a lot of time and practice, and probably direct guidance to get there.