It Hurt to Go Back

[qos]

I was totally unprepared for the emotional response I had this morning when I picked up my purse and my keys to go to work: I started crying.

After spending three days among members of my own tribe, able to speak out in a room full of strangers about topics I can scarcely mention most of the time and be warmly received, it hurt to head off to the day job with its relentless mundanity, the stress all around me, and my unpleasant colleague.

Not so long ago I would have forced the tears down and denied the pain. This morning I gave myself permission to mourn the ending of a wonderful time, to affirm that no one can take the weekend away from me. It happened. It was real. It was wonderful. I had a triumph. Nothing that happened today could change that.

I have a new list of Things To Do to start finding income outside of the day job: ways to promote my spiritual direction practice and find new clients, ways to market/promote myself as a workshop presenter/teacher about sacred sex and other speciality topics, contacts for local venues for tarot readings, and what I need to do to get started on the book(s) I now need to write.

Comments

[stiobhanrune.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

You would be REALLY good as a writer and teacher on this subject.

Honestly, I'm really interested in picking your brain for inspiration about the work House Rosa is doing.

And I rejoice with you, for your ability to accept and embrace the pain. You were right: the normalizing is crucial in these things. Just before your class, my poly family had a meltdown, and we were all there at your workshop. Your class helped us sort ourselves out, and we're doing great now.

You are teh roxors, don't forget that! Even if the atmosphere has changed, you have it with you. You were fantastic then, and you are now that same sparkling gem you were during the workshop.

Thank you for being awesome. *smiles*

[makhsihed.livejournal.com]

*peeeeeers at the Rune*

...It's always so weird when my friends list overlaps unexpectedly! And nifty, too.

[blessed-harlot.livejournal.com]

This post touches pain so similar to mine that I have a hard time finding words.

I am looking forward to you giving some workshops at the Garden.

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

I look forward to being there!

In the meantime, I guess we both keep moving one step at a time toward that day.

[oakmouse]

*hugs*

Yeah. Not pleasant at all. In the experience of myself and others I've talked to about Post P-con Syndrome, it's never as bad again as the first time. However, that doesn't mean it doesn't really knock you back on your heels now.

Good for you for honoring the pain and sitting with it. That's one of the best responses.

My friend Jo said this year that he thinks of P-con as being like Brigadoon --- a village full of special people that materializes once a year. The village still exists; it's just not here right now.

You rock, you know that?

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

I like the Brigadoon analogy.