Queen of Swords

I've been feeling more than a little overwhelmed by the rich diversity of my path these past few weeks -- especially since Pantheacon opened up some doors a bit wider than they had been before. Fortunately last Saturday I was able to have a long phone conversation with my teacher, and in response to my request she consulted with the inner and helped me set some priorities for my daily work. It helped a great deal.

One of the consequences of that conversation was the deepest morning meditation I've had in a while, and an appearance by Ereshkigal. Preparing for P-con had me in something of an internal flutter, so I hadn't been keeping in touch. Afterward, She let me know she was pleased with me, but didn't push. It was good to have the solid contact with her again.

Inspired by a couple of things I'd read in Written in Wine, I asked Her what kind of offering/worship she would like from me beyond the nightly candle lighting and prayer.

First of all, She wants me to write Her book (and I'm happy to say that I've actually started on some of the formal research).

Beyond that, She wants me to push myself. She is the Ordeal Mistress, and She wants me to dare the hard places, go out on the edge. Not all the time, but more often than I do.

She would like me to do some full-body ordeal rituals, both as the subject and as the priestess. We talked about doing a Descent, and I started thinking about what I would want to symbolically strip and leave beyond at the gates. The first thing that came to mind was my day job -- but I immediately backed off from that, because it seemed like a good way to lose my job for real. I told Ereshkigal, "I don't trust you to make sure I stay employed" [if I gave up my job in this context.]

She smiled enigmatically, waiting for me to work out the rest for myself.

Loss of a job, loss of possessions, would be a huge "descent." She would help me navigate it, but she has no need or interest in preventing it. Quite the contrary. Then She pointed out that if I lost my day job it would up the urgency on my work to expand my vocational work. I agreed. Her smile got more ferocious. "Then perhaps you should pursue it with the same urgency as if you had lost your job." It was not a threat, but it was a very pointed suggestion.

We also talked about Dionysus a bit. Ereshkigal pointed out that he bridges light and dark, upper and under worlds. Also, I need his ecstasy and his wildness. I need Dionysus to help me stay feral.