Queen of Swords

Last night I had a conversation with Inanna about the dance class. I confessed a certain amount of worry that I'll be awkward and/or inhibited. She pulled multiple threads of memory and awareness together in my mind and essentially told me to open myself to the energy of my partner and the music, to connect through the energy as much as through my physical body, and see if I wasn't surprised by how much easier that made things. Oh, and by the way: don't forget to practice good hygiene and shut down the connection with the other person after class.

That all seemed like a good idea, and I was pleased to have had the experiences that allowed me to have the framework for such an insight.

A little later, LM came to me and took me in his arms, and suddenly I was pulled vividly back in time to one of our episodes of dancing in the kitchen. I felt his hands on my body, felt my own awkwardness-that-didn't-matter because the man I loved was humming and grinning at me as we danced. It was so vivid, it was almost like my conscious mind truly did go back and inhabit those moments, at least in part, and I wondered if that was the case.

Later, doing my evening check-in/communion ritual with LM, he put his arms around my shoulders and started moving slowly and sensually behind me, with an emphasis on hip and groin against my back. In contrast to the earlier experience, this was very much in the present moment. I smiled and relaxed into it, and let him call up my sensuality in a relaxed and romantic way.

I spend so much time in my head with my rational mind activated, I have to be reminded, even with him, to let go and just be sometimes.