Time's Up

[qos]

My grieving was long, and I don't begrudge that. uncrowned_king was worth every minute and every tear -- but I'm done now. He remains dear to me, part of my heart and soul, but I am no longer in constant pain because of his passing.

I know I've written that before, but this process has been a three-steps-forward-one-or-two-steps-back journey. And I hadn't realized that even after I'd reached the "Acceptance" phase there would still be convalescing to do.

But the last two weeks have blessed me with a series of encounters and stimulus which have fast-forwarded my healing and brought me fully back to life again. I've been feeling eager, energetic, optimistic, even joyous -- all emotions that I'd often thought would be beyond me for the rest of my life. After months of aching because I was unable to feel desire or creativity or longing or interest in anything, I have ideas, plans, and plots bubbling up inside me.

My life has become very boring over the past few years. I'm grateful to those of you who still bother to read this journal.

I'm tired of being boring.
I'm tired of the emptiness.
I'm tired of "numb" being the best I can hope for from day to day.

And now, finally, I have the energy and inspiration to do something about it.
I don't want to write about it quite yet. I've learned to value silence a bit more than I used to -- but hopefully there will be new posts soon with new energy.

Comments

[lupagreenwolf.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

I am so glad.

[wyldlingspirit.livejournal.com]

Yes! Yes to everything... except your assumption that you are ever boring.

[athenian-abroad.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm....curiouser and curiouser...

[qos.livejournal.com]

Bwa-ha-ha!

[iswari.livejournal.com]

Cheering you on, and inspired by you, too!

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I'm glad.

Life is short. We need to do as much with it as we possibly can.

[queenofhalves]

:)

[gailmom.livejournal.com]

~happy hug~

[oakmouse]

You're not boring, ever --- but I'm glad beyond words that you're feeling so much more alive again. *hugs*

[haggispatrol.livejournal.com]

What the mouse said. *hugs*

[queenofthenight.livejournal.com]

This is wonderful. A declaration of moving into the next stage. Sending you supportive thoughts and much joy!

[qos.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Your own joyousness has been an inspiration to me!

[ladistrange.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for sharing both your pain, and your recovery. As I've said before, I cannot imagine how much it would damage me to loose my husband. However having lost my Dad just this year, and my Mom 5 years ago I can understand a little of what you are going through, since I was close to my parents. Wether you know it or not, you are are giving me comfort and helping my own healing by sharing yours.

And you are SO not boring!! =)

[qos.livejournal.com]

I'm always grateful to hear that my words and experiences help others. Thank you. . .

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

Yay.

Do you have plans to come down to Pantheacon in February? I'd love to take you to coffee again.

[qos.livejournal.com]

Alas, I don't have the money to make P-con work this year, otherwise I would have loved to hook up again!

[rin-x-x.livejournal.com]

/gets ready for epic shit :)

*hugs* I know this may sound weird, coming from someone much younger than you (er well, I think) and who didn't go through having their loved one die (similar but.. not. long story.), but I just want to say I'm proud of you, for whatever it's worth. :)

[qos.livejournal.com]

It's worth a lot. Thank you. . .