Chrysalis Soup

[qos]

As I understand it, when a caterpillar turns into a butterfly it's not a simple matter of the body morphing. Within the chrysalis, the body breaks down into a mostly liquid substance, then re-forms into an entirely new shape.

That's how I feel right now. I'm betwixt and between, confused and confounded, and can do nothing but trust in the process I've embarked on.

I have questions and issues about my denominational identity. I have issues about having to identify myself with any denomination. I have questions (again) about whether or not I'm really enough of a "people person" to be a pastor, and if my gifts and my personality aren't better suited to being a professor. I certainly feel much more comfortable and natural in the academy, and can more easily see myself interacting with students and with professional colleagues than with the range of people and needs in a congregation. It's not that I couldn't do the pastoral work, but my natural tendencies don't go that way.

Which is an issue for serious thought and pause.

I'm in no place to make any decisions right now. I need to go further down this path. I do want an M.Div. What I do with it, and where, can be decided later, as the issues and my gifts clarify. I'm in the place of the Fool card of the tarot: going forward in blind, innocent trust. Not an easy task for a Queen of Swords whose nature is to make decisions, and who cherishes clear, sharp insight.

Comments

[qos.livejournal.com]

My question is why do you need a denomination identity?

That's an excellent question. We're glad you asked that question. A Committee has been convened to investigate that question. We will issue a report as soon as we find an answer to the question. Next question? ;-)

The primary reason is that ministers are ordained within a particular faith community - that is, within a denomination. I can earn an M.Div. and be academically qualified, but without the "blessing" (literal as well as figurative) of a faith community, I can not practice formally as a minister in a church. Which, in brass-tacks practical terms, means: no job.

There are other ways of living out my calling, of course. I can teach independently of a tradition, either in a non-denominational community or through independent workshops and seminars, or by writing.

There's also an issue of community vs. isolation. I'm an introvert by nature, but I cherish spiritual community. I would like to be part of a group with whom I share beliefs and values - but one which allows for questions and growth and discussion. The Swedenborgian church is not the only place I can do that. There's a great Baptist church locally with which I am quite compatible theologically.

But this is an issue I'm wrestling with. I haven't been within a denominational box since my existential crisis. Contemplating coming inside one, even one with springy sides, is not an easy thing.

[gothic-coop.livejournal.com]

So you are seeking which church you should be ordained by? I can tell you one thing that I have found on my path. They way to god are as varies, as there are people on this earth. You could practice formally in a church if you started your own. It would be your own way to share good word.

Just thoughts form an ignorant person