Chrysalis Soup
Mar. 3rd, 2004 09:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosAs I understand it, when a caterpillar turns into a butterfly it's not a simple matter of the body morphing. Within the chrysalis, the body breaks down into a mostly liquid substance, then re-forms into an entirely new shape.
That's how I feel right now. I'm betwixt and between, confused and confounded, and can do nothing but trust in the process I've embarked on.
I have questions and issues about my denominational identity. I have issues about having to identify myself with any denomination. I have questions (again) about whether or not I'm really enough of a "people person" to be a pastor, and if my gifts and my personality aren't better suited to being a professor. I certainly feel much more comfortable and natural in the academy, and can more easily see myself interacting with students and with professional colleagues than with the range of people and needs in a congregation. It's not that I couldn't do the pastoral work, but my natural tendencies don't go that way.
Which is an issue for serious thought and pause.
I'm in no place to make any decisions right now. I need to go further down this path. I do want an M.Div. What I do with it, and where, can be decided later, as the issues and my gifts clarify. I'm in the place of the Fool card of the tarot: going forward in blind, innocent trust. Not an easy task for a Queen of Swords whose nature is to make decisions, and who cherishes clear, sharp insight.
That's how I feel right now. I'm betwixt and between, confused and confounded, and can do nothing but trust in the process I've embarked on.
I have questions and issues about my denominational identity. I have issues about having to identify myself with any denomination. I have questions (again) about whether or not I'm really enough of a "people person" to be a pastor, and if my gifts and my personality aren't better suited to being a professor. I certainly feel much more comfortable and natural in the academy, and can more easily see myself interacting with students and with professional colleagues than with the range of people and needs in a congregation. It's not that I couldn't do the pastoral work, but my natural tendencies don't go that way.
Which is an issue for serious thought and pause.
I'm in no place to make any decisions right now. I need to go further down this path. I do want an M.Div. What I do with it, and where, can be decided later, as the issues and my gifts clarify. I'm in the place of the Fool card of the tarot: going forward in blind, innocent trust. Not an easy task for a Queen of Swords whose nature is to make decisions, and who cherishes clear, sharp insight.
