The Slow Ascent / What Was Left Behind?

The Descent of Inanna leaves out a crucial part of the story: Inanna's ascent.

Yes, we know she is brought back to life, rises out of the underworld, forbids the demons to take those who love her. . .

But what of all she left behind at the gates? Nothing is said of the crown of the steppes, the breastplate called Come Man Come, the lapis beads. . .

During my first initiation with Ereshkigal, She told me that I had been in a descent for a very long time -- longer than this lifetime. It's time to ascend. It was a wonderful message, a message of hope.

But more complicated than I had realized at first.

One who has been deep in the underworld has been stripped of everything: powers, associations, names. . . As I grope for my tools, my energy, my focus, my faith in myself, I suddenly wonder if part of my task right now is consciously discovering and reclaiming things that have been lost.

Anubis suggested to me a couple of days ago that a soul retrieval might be in order. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I have skills. I have desires. I remain mired in obstacles I start to grasp but which strip away without being overcome.

Have I typed this before? Or did I only dream it?

What am I missing?
What do I need to reclaim. . . or claim. . . or create?

Descending

Feeling unexpectedly, deeply lonely this evening, despite some good social contact this week.

I think it's the deep processing I'm starting. Next week is the dark moon, my vigil. This is the waning time, and I'm feeling myself slipping down into the Underworld. It's not grief this time, it's excavation. Hopefully there will also be reclaiming.

I miss the Mouse, my teacher, out of contact for a few weeks -- but part of me feels like I'm supposed to do this alone, without her support.

I feel empty inside. Things are missing. Inanna descended and surrendered her regalia, her power. The story doesn't talk about her getting it back -- or if it all remained behind and she went on to something new. That's the mystery I need to solve for myself.

I do not fear the dark.
I am not afraid to be alone.

But sometimes I get lonely -- even as I feel certain that being alone is essential for the work of the next few days.

Even the Dark Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Which is a good thing, otherwise sweetlycorrupt and I would probably be little smears of ash on the floor by now.

We've been chatting about my upcoming vigil, and she's been giving me some good insights about the lustral bath to follow, and helping me remember some of the intentions I'd already forgotten. At one point she made a suggestion which made me twitch, then go Oh damn. . . She's probably right. . .

I confessed the above to SC, then said that that's where Ereshkigal works: in those twitches you know are right, but really would rather avoid.

At which point she wrote: If it's comfortable, ur doin' it rong.

And then I wrote: LOLreshkigal.


We're are so going to be smited. . .


ETA: I checked in with Her, just be sure about the sense of humor bit -- at least where these comments were concerned. She simply said mildly: You're doing the work. You're entitled to find humor in it, when you can.