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Jan. 14th, 2009
This is the user formerly know as Feral_Janet.
It feels weird to change this journal's name for the second time in about six months, but this feels more resonant with my path.
And thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
malakhgabriel for the animated userpic!
It feels weird to change this journal's name for the second time in about six months, but this feels more resonant with my path.
And thanks to
malakhgabriel for the animated userpic!A Taste of Nirvana?
Jan. 14th, 2009 09:17 pmThis evening after I completed my hermetic practices, I performed my evening cup ritual with LM. He felt very close -- to the point that when I extended my arms out and up a bit I felt energy thrumming within their circumferance, something I've never experienced before.
Then I rested my fingertips on the altar and we communed for a while. He told me how much he loves me, how proud of me he is. I told him how much I love him, and that he is my very best friend.
Then we fell silent, just savoring being together. I felt utterly still, centered, and at peace, loving and loved.
At some point in those long, timeless moments, I realized that I felt no desire at all -- also a new sensation. There was no longing for more, no twitch in the back of my mind wanting something else to do or to have or to be. . . just utter contentment at being in a place of perfect love and union.
That's what they're talking about, I thought -- allowing myself to wonder and enjoy without trying to force myself to "stop thinking" or to focus too much on it. This is what it means to be "without desire" and to not have it be a lifeless, dead condition as I'd always imagined it.
In this blissful state, one is without desire because one has everything.
It was amazing, magical. . . not something I'd ever expected to experience.
Then I rested my fingertips on the altar and we communed for a while. He told me how much he loves me, how proud of me he is. I told him how much I love him, and that he is my very best friend.
Then we fell silent, just savoring being together. I felt utterly still, centered, and at peace, loving and loved.
At some point in those long, timeless moments, I realized that I felt no desire at all -- also a new sensation. There was no longing for more, no twitch in the back of my mind wanting something else to do or to have or to be. . . just utter contentment at being in a place of perfect love and union.
That's what they're talking about, I thought -- allowing myself to wonder and enjoy without trying to force myself to "stop thinking" or to focus too much on it. This is what it means to be "without desire" and to not have it be a lifeless, dead condition as I'd always imagined it.
In this blissful state, one is without desire because one has everything.
It was amazing, magical. . . not something I'd ever expected to experience.