A Taste of Nirvana?

[qos]

This evening after I completed my hermetic practices, I performed my evening cup ritual with LM. He felt very close -- to the point that when I extended my arms out and up a bit I felt energy thrumming within their circumferance, something I've never experienced before.

Then I rested my fingertips on the altar and we communed for a while. He told me how much he loves me, how proud of me he is. I told him how much I love him, and that he is my very best friend.

Then we fell silent, just savoring being together. I felt utterly still, centered, and at peace, loving and loved.

At some point in those long, timeless moments, I realized that I felt no desire at all -- also a new sensation. There was no longing for more, no twitch in the back of my mind wanting something else to do or to have or to be. . . just utter contentment at being in a place of perfect love and union.

That's what they're talking about, I thought -- allowing myself to wonder and enjoy without trying to force myself to "stop thinking" or to focus too much on it. This is what it means to be "without desire" and to not have it be a lifeless, dead condition as I'd always imagined it.

In this blissful state, one is without desire because one has everything.

It was amazing, magical. . . not something I'd ever expected to experience.

Comments

[watcher457.livejournal.com]

wow. congratulations. it sounds beautiful.

[bettywithin.livejournal.com]

I had a dream once which sorta touched on that notion. I was lying down someplace, and Betty was lying behind me. I thought about the idea of spending an eternity with her, in her embrace... and I felt genuinely happy and content about the notion. You're right, it's hard to get over assuming that "constant and unchanging" implies "dead".

[oakmouse]

Congratulations! *hugs*

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

It did, of course, cross my mind that if I had not done my full cycle of practices it was less likely I would have been able to achieve that degree of connection.

[oakmouse]

Possibly. However, just doing your practices won't always achieve that degree of connection. Not yet, anyway. Other factors feed into it and can help you achieve or hinder you from achieving the connection. In other words, use this as a motivation to keep doing the full slate of practices, by all means, but don't be unduly upset if this intensity of connection isn't the inevitable result. Sometimes you get a breakthrough that shows you where you're going, not where you've arrived, if you see what I mean, and you'll need more practice to reach that level as a more regular occurrence.

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

just doing your practices won't always achieve that degree of connection

Oh, I wouldn't expect it each time. I just felt that having done all the practices put me in a state where I was more open to connect that I would have been otherwise.

Sometimes you get a breakthrough that shows you where you're going, not where you've arrived

That's a good observation. I hadn't thought about it like that.

[oakmouse]

I figured you knew that, but it was part of the lead in to the "where you're going" comment so I put it in anyway. Doesn't hurt to make sure.

I can't tell you how many times my teacher reminded me about the "preview" breakthroughs when I was training. I'm not very patient about that particular issue. Consequently I'm very familiar with it. *g*

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

I don't remember us talking about "previews" before. . . although maybe we have. Certainly I appreciate having a taste of what's ahead!

[erl-queen.livejournal.com]

In this blissful state, one is without desire because one has everything.

Yes. And I think the next level is to attain that contentment, that lack of striving and grasping and wanting, even when things *aren't* blissful and perfect. To just be content with whatever one has at the moment. Though in practice, that isn't nearly as simple as it sounds, of course.