Self-Knowing Romantic Believer

I haven't posted meme results in a long time, but this one was quick and startlingly accurate:

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a Self-Knowing Romantic Believer

Bad News at LJ Headquarters

"The Russian Bear Slashes a Social Network"

http://valleywag.gawker.com/5124184/the-russian-bear-slashes-a-social-network

This is very disturbing. .

Work to Do

I've been resisting a slowly growing awareness that I need to address the recurrence of an old pattern. This morning during a boring meeting at my office job, Ereshkigal eased into the back of my mind and started the following conversation. It didn't unfold exactly like this, but the dialogue captures the essence of Her prompts, my journaling, and the back and forth of resistance and insistence.


Ereshkigal: Congratulations on getting more grounded in your practices. Now that you’re doing the basic work in a consistent, meaningful way, we can start addressing some of the more advanced work of Dealing With Your Shit.

Me: Shit? What shit? I don’t have any shit to deal with! Or at least: no shit I’m not already aware of and already working on!

Ereshkigal: Uh-huh. Please direct your attention to Exhibit A.

Me: Oh. . . that.

Ereshkigal: Yes, that.

Me: I thought I’d dealt with that.

Ereshkigal: Apparently not. Unless you’d like to dispute the accuracy of Exhibit A?

Me: Ummm. . . No.

Ereshkigal: Good. I realize you thought you’d dealt with it, but this is a deep, pervasive pattern, and one deviation from your usual behavior does not constitute “dealing with it.” What actually happened was that you connected with Who You Were Supposed To Connect With. Now that he’s not physically present, the old pattern is manifesting again. And it’s getting in the way of your Work.

Me: But it feels good! And it’s not really getting the way of –

Ereshkigal: *raises an eyebrow

Me: Yes, ma’am.

pause

Me: But I enjoy it.

Ereshkigal: “Enjoy it” isn’t good enough. This pattern caters to your intensity addiction and it hurts you in the long run. May I remind you of several recent messages that have tried to get you to wake up to the fact that it’s time for you to stop making choices based on shallow, transient conditions – like your moods and addictions – and start making choices that are appropriate for a priestess.

Me: But I like how it feels.

Ereshkigal: I promise you: you will take much deeper pleasure and satisfaction in the other things you’ll accomplish once you clear this out of your system. Consider Exhibits B, C & D.

Me: Yes. . . . those look good. But. . . .

Ereshkigal: No buts. You’re on the path, right?

Me: Yes, ma’am.

Ereshkigal: You want to stay on the path, right?

Me: Yes, ma’am.

Ereshkigal: This is where the path goes: straight through all the stuff you'd rather not deal with. Besides, you’ve been expressing a desire to do something other/more than your basic practices. Congratulations, this is your chance.

Me: *silent grousing/resistance

Ereshkigal: *raises her eyebrow again

Me: Yes, ma’am.

pause

Me: I’m afraid of what I’ll lose.

Ereshkigal: You can’t lose what’s not yours. Letting go of what’s obstructing you opens the way for bigger, better, and far more wonderful and nurturing things to enter your life.

Me: I know, but. . . .

Ereshkigal: I know. I’m not pretending it’s going to be easy or painless. If it was, you wouldn't need Me. But this work is necessary. You have to trust me about that.

Me: I know. I do.

Ereshkigal: Focus on what will open up for you. And ask my sister for help. She has special expertise in these matters: both in releasing what you need to release and finding a way forward to get those needs and hungers met in a better way.

Me: All right. I will.

Ereshkigal: *kisses my forehead

Ereshkigal: You’re not alone. We’re all pulling for you. We’re all here to help.

Me: Thank you.

Ereshkigal: *withdraws back into the Underworld

Images of Death

A friend shared, in a locked post, an entry about a particularly gruesome crucifix that has recently been removed from a church in West Sussex because it scared the children and did not create a welcoming atmosphere.

She also included a link to an image of the crucifix in question. And yes, it's fairly gruesome.

But as I absorbed the image, I was startled when I saw it not through the lenses of my Christian upbringing and symbolism, but through those of my current Underworld practices.

Ereshkigal is not a "death Goddess" -- but she is a Dark Goddess, and she is the Queen of the Great Below, the Land of the Dead. One of the discussions I've been having with myself is that my relationship with Ereshkigal is very positive, and Her image in my mind is usually attractive: and yet many of Her primary depictions in literature are grim and terrifying, reflecting humanity's fear of death and decay. Have I been avoiding dealing with that very real aspect of Her nature?

Seeing this crucifix, I saw an image of Inanna's rotting corpse hanging on the hook in Ereshkigal's throne room, a vivid reminder of the fatal end which no one, not even the Queen of Heaven, could escape -- and yet there is, as in Christianity, a simultaneous faith that death is not the end, that even in the midst of the most gruesome despair, there will be liberation, re-creation, transformation. My work with Ereshkigal is significantly about having the courage and faith to dare the dark places, the fear, the loss and the dis-memberment, and win through to transformation, and help others to do so as well.

"Let her paint on an inch thick, to this end she must come," said Hamlet to Yorick's skull. So must we all. . . and yet we will pass beyond. . .

So where does that leave me in my images of my Queen of the Great Below? I'm not sure. . . but I think I would be wrong to leave images like this out of my iconography.

Images of Death

A friend shared, in a locked post, an entry about a particularly gruesome crucifix that has recently been removed from a church in West Sussex because it scared the children and did not create a welcoming atmosphere.

She also included a link to an image of the crucifix in question. And yes, it's fairly gruesome.

But as I absorbed the image, I was startled when I saw it not through the lenses of my Christian upbringing and symbolism, but through those of my current Underworld practices.

Ereshkigal is not a "death Goddess" -- but she is a Dark Goddess, and she is the Queen of the Great Below, the Land of the Dead. One of the discussions I've been having with myself is that my relationship with Ereshkigal is very positive, and Her image in my mind is usually attractive: and yet many of Her primary depictions in literature are grim and terrifying, reflecting humanity's fear of death and decay. Have I been avoiding dealing with that very real aspect of Her nature?

Seeing this crucifix, I saw an image of Inanna's rotting corpse hanging on the hook in Ereshkigal's throne room, a vivid reminder of the fatal end which no one, not even the Queen of Heaven, could escape -- and yet there is, as in Christianity, a simultaneous faith that death is not the end, that even in the midst of the most gruesome despair, there will be liberation, re-creation, transformation. My work with Ereshkigal is significantly about having the courage and faith to dare the dark places, the fear, the loss and the dis-memberment, and win through to transformation, and help others to do so as well.

"Let her paint on an inch thick, to this end she must come," said Hamlet to Yorick's skull. So must we all. . . and yet we will pass beyond. . .

So where does that leave me in my images of my Queen of the Great Below? I'm not sure. . . but I think I would be wrong to leave images like this out of my iconography.