Work to Do
Jan. 6th, 2009 11:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosI've been resisting a slowly growing awareness that I need to address the recurrence of an old pattern. This morning during a boring meeting at my office job, Ereshkigal eased into the back of my mind and started the following conversation. It didn't unfold exactly like this, but the dialogue captures the essence of Her prompts, my journaling, and the back and forth of resistance and insistence.
Ereshkigal: Congratulations on getting more grounded in your practices. Now that you’re doing the basic work in a consistent, meaningful way, we can start addressing some of the more advanced work of Dealing With Your Shit.
Me: Shit? What shit? I don’t have any shit to deal with! Or at least: no shit I’m not already aware of and already working on!
Ereshkigal: Uh-huh. Please direct your attention to Exhibit A.
Me: Oh. . . that.
Ereshkigal: Yes, that.
Me: I thought I’d dealt with that.
Ereshkigal: Apparently not. Unless you’d like to dispute the accuracy of Exhibit A?
Me: Ummm. . . No.
Ereshkigal: Good. I realize you thought you’d dealt with it, but this is a deep, pervasive pattern, and one deviation from your usual behavior does not constitute “dealing with it.” What actually happened was that you connected with Who You Were Supposed To Connect With. Now that he’s not physically present, the old pattern is manifesting again. And it’s getting in the way of your Work.
Me: But it feels good! And it’s not really getting the way of –
Ereshkigal: *raises an eyebrow
Me: Yes, ma’am.
pause
Me: But I enjoy it.
Ereshkigal: “Enjoy it” isn’t good enough. This pattern caters to your intensity addiction and it hurts you in the long run. May I remind you of several recent messages that have tried to get you to wake up to the fact that it’s time for you to stop making choices based on shallow, transient conditions – like your moods and addictions – and start making choices that are appropriate for a priestess.
Me: But I like how it feels.
Ereshkigal: I promise you: you will take much deeper pleasure and satisfaction in the other things you’ll accomplish once you clear this out of your system. Consider Exhibits B, C & D.
Me: Yes. . . . those look good. But. . . .
Ereshkigal: No buts. You’re on the path, right?
Me: Yes, ma’am.
Ereshkigal: You want to stay on the path, right?
Me: Yes, ma’am.
Ereshkigal: This is where the path goes: straight through all the stuff you'd rather not deal with. Besides, you’ve been expressing a desire to do something other/more than your basic practices. Congratulations, this is your chance.
Me: *silent grousing/resistance
Ereshkigal: *raises her eyebrow again
Me: Yes, ma’am.
pause
Me: I’m afraid of what I’ll lose.
Ereshkigal: You can’t lose what’s not yours. Letting go of what’s obstructing you opens the way for bigger, better, and far more wonderful and nurturing things to enter your life.
Me: I know, but. . . .
Ereshkigal: I know. I’m not pretending it’s going to be easy or painless. If it was, you wouldn't need Me. But this work is necessary. You have to trust me about that.
Me: I know. I do.
Ereshkigal: Focus on what will open up for you. And ask my sister for help. She has special expertise in these matters: both in releasing what you need to release and finding a way forward to get those needs and hungers met in a better way.
Me: All right. I will.
Ereshkigal: *kisses my forehead
Ereshkigal: You’re not alone. We’re all pulling for you. We’re all here to help.
Me: Thank you.
Ereshkigal: *withdraws back into the Underworld
Ereshkigal: Congratulations on getting more grounded in your practices. Now that you’re doing the basic work in a consistent, meaningful way, we can start addressing some of the more advanced work of Dealing With Your Shit.
Me: Shit? What shit? I don’t have any shit to deal with! Or at least: no shit I’m not already aware of and already working on!
Ereshkigal: Uh-huh. Please direct your attention to Exhibit A.
Me: Oh. . . that.
Ereshkigal: Yes, that.
Me: I thought I’d dealt with that.
Ereshkigal: Apparently not. Unless you’d like to dispute the accuracy of Exhibit A?
Me: Ummm. . . No.
Ereshkigal: Good. I realize you thought you’d dealt with it, but this is a deep, pervasive pattern, and one deviation from your usual behavior does not constitute “dealing with it.” What actually happened was that you connected with Who You Were Supposed To Connect With. Now that he’s not physically present, the old pattern is manifesting again. And it’s getting in the way of your Work.
Me: But it feels good! And it’s not really getting the way of –
Ereshkigal: *raises an eyebrow
Me: Yes, ma’am.
pause
Me: But I enjoy it.
Ereshkigal: “Enjoy it” isn’t good enough. This pattern caters to your intensity addiction and it hurts you in the long run. May I remind you of several recent messages that have tried to get you to wake up to the fact that it’s time for you to stop making choices based on shallow, transient conditions – like your moods and addictions – and start making choices that are appropriate for a priestess.
Me: But I like how it feels.
Ereshkigal: I promise you: you will take much deeper pleasure and satisfaction in the other things you’ll accomplish once you clear this out of your system. Consider Exhibits B, C & D.
Me: Yes. . . . those look good. But. . . .
Ereshkigal: No buts. You’re on the path, right?
Me: Yes, ma’am.
Ereshkigal: You want to stay on the path, right?
Me: Yes, ma’am.
Ereshkigal: This is where the path goes: straight through all the stuff you'd rather not deal with. Besides, you’ve been expressing a desire to do something other/more than your basic practices. Congratulations, this is your chance.
Me: *silent grousing/resistance
Ereshkigal: *raises her eyebrow again
Me: Yes, ma’am.
pause
Me: I’m afraid of what I’ll lose.
Ereshkigal: You can’t lose what’s not yours. Letting go of what’s obstructing you opens the way for bigger, better, and far more wonderful and nurturing things to enter your life.
Me: I know, but. . . .
Ereshkigal: I know. I’m not pretending it’s going to be easy or painless. If it was, you wouldn't need Me. But this work is necessary. You have to trust me about that.
Me: I know. I do.
Ereshkigal: Focus on what will open up for you. And ask my sister for help. She has special expertise in these matters: both in releasing what you need to release and finding a way forward to get those needs and hungers met in a better way.
Me: All right. I will.
Ereshkigal: *kisses my forehead
Ereshkigal: You’re not alone. We’re all pulling for you. We’re all here to help.
Me: Thank you.
Ereshkigal: *withdraws back into the Underworld
