For Beltane. . .

[qos]

I will be cleaning up my "temple room" (which, unfortunately, is not a totally dedicated space) and refreshing my altars.

I will overcome my inertia and introversion and attend an afternoon workshop on looking and feeling sexy.

I will be buying new cloths and candles for my altars.
(And maybe something sexy for myself -- if I can find the right item.)

I will be spending time in ritual with LM and Freyja.

I will be inviting back into my heart and soul pieces of myself that I dishonored and sundered years ago.

What I've been realizing over the past week or so is that it's not enough to intellectually say "I want to take [this] back." It has to go far deeper. My recovery of a part of myself last weekend was enabled by a new intellectual and emotional understanding that cleared away the inner resistance to the reclaiming. Something similar happened last night. It's not enough to want; I have to be truly ready to welcome and cherish these parts of myself on an emotional and soul level.

I rely so much on thinking and reasoning -- and yes, my mind is a powerful and important tool. But sometimes I forget to go beyond my brain.

Blessed and joyous Beltane to all!

Comments

[wyldlingspirit.livejournal.com]

Forgetting to go beyond the brain seems to be a common trait of y'all Swords. Just like letting our emotions get the better of our intellect is a common trait of Cups. I take that as a challenge for personal growth rather than letting it become an excuse.

I had plans for Beltane but they've been blown to Hel. I guess I'll just roll with whatever happens.

[a-belletrist.livejournal.com]

It sounds as if you have a marvelous, magical, potent Beltane set down for yourself!

I was struck by something you wrote, and I'd like to make one (albeit long) comment toward it. You wrote: "I will be inviting back into my heart and soul pieces of myself that I dishonored and sundered years ago."

In the tradition I follow, most loss of soul doesn't come from conscious choice. Some does, yes, but *most* don't. Losses are reactions to an overwhelming, stressful, unsupported, and sometimes deadly environment, and we often don't know we've lost them for many many years. Almost always, the choices were made, consciously or unconsciously, because it was the best thing we knew how to do at the time to keep the rest of us whole. Hindsight is 50/50.

The returning of a soul part, whether due to a soul retrieval being done, or spontaneously (as in your case), signals that situations have changed and healing can now occur. Which is awesome. But don't beat yourself up for having "lost" the parts in the first place. Part of their going was as protection. Souls are strong things, resilient things, and healing is always available to them ... to us. When its time.

So now it's time.

We're very good at blaming ourselves for not being 100% healthy and whole. But we're human, and imperfect vessels, and our souls really do work with is as part of our protection system.

When you're done ... give yourself a long while to integrate. These pieces have been gone for a while. Understand that while they've been gone, you've moved on without them, so it takes some catch up time on both your parts. Thank them for their service away from you. Be gentle with those pieces of yourself, and with yourself as a whole. Track how your life changes because of this return (and it will). Track the internal arguments that arise. Pay attention to your diet and what those returning pieces require to help nurture them. Listen to their stories. Reintegration doesn't happen with one retrieval; that's just the beginning. Nurturing and gentleness is the call of the day, month, year. :)

And may I say, "Welcome home, shadowandstar."

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

Thank you for taking the time to make such a lengthy response, my friend.

In the tradition I follow, *most* loss of soul doesn't come from conscious choice.

I understand that's usually the case -- and the retrieval/recovery I experienced last weekend was indeed a part of myself that I hadn't consciously removed. It was part of the greater loss/trauma/grief. But the parts that I'm working with now I did indeed consciously and deliberately push away. It was an innocent mistake, and I'm not blaming myself. It was done decades ago, and I didn't know better. But the damage was still done.

Thank you too for the reminder to take my time to allow them to integrate. The advice to "listen to their stories" is something I would never have thought of, and will definitely work with.

[oakmouse]

Congratulations! *hugs*

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I hope the cherishing process has already begun to blossom in you.