Digging and Sliding, Fleeing and Fighting
May. 16th, 2010 05:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosLast night during my meditation I tried to go deep around the topic of the bindings and limitations I've carried with me from my childhood.
I did my practices, settled into my meditation pose, and went inward -- and a few minutes later realized that I'd slid so fast off that topic and onto something safer I hadn't even realized I was moving. When I tried to focus back in, I got a stomach ache. Tried again, spiraled off onto another topic again.
I'm starting to get growly about this. It is not okay with me that I am having so much trouble grappling with this issue that is of such importance to my life. It is not okay that the sword of my self-awareness not only fails me in this area, it flees.
If there's some kind of fight-or-flight mechanism built up around this stuff, fine: it's time to starting fighting.
I did my practices, settled into my meditation pose, and went inward -- and a few minutes later realized that I'd slid so fast off that topic and onto something safer I hadn't even realized I was moving. When I tried to focus back in, I got a stomach ache. Tried again, spiraled off onto another topic again.
I'm starting to get growly about this. It is not okay with me that I am having so much trouble grappling with this issue that is of such importance to my life. It is not okay that the sword of my self-awareness not only fails me in this area, it flees.
If there's some kind of fight-or-flight mechanism built up around this stuff, fine: it's time to starting fighting.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-17 03:08 am (UTC)On the other hand, know that these kinds of responses are normal. We all have them somewhere, about something. Dealing with it is a normal part of the training process and of the growth process.