Vigil

[qos]

At some point in the next couple of hours, I'm going put on soft, comfortable dark clothes, go out on my third-floor balcony, light some black candles in glass holders, and then light some charcoal in my grill, with various resins on hand for adding later.

And then I'm going to stay out there all night -- or until I find what I'm supposed to find, whichever comes first.

I don't know what I'm looking for beyond general terms: my own depths, lost things, new insights, Ereshkigal, the stars. . .

I'm scared.

I don't like ambiguity. I don't like open-ended ritual. I don't like the idea of being outside and trying to stay awake all night. I'm afraid of my own limitations. I guess part of what this is about is challenging those limitations, on all kinds of levels, including those I'm not even aware of.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to take a ritual bath of purification and re-birth, and then do a rededication ritual with LM. There will be white roses, holy water. . . and fresh biscuits with honey.

Tomorrow is going to be some kind of new beginning, one I won't fully understand until I'm there.

Your prayers would be appreciated.

Comments

[watcher457.livejournal.com]

You have our thoughts with you. I hope you don't mind, but I asked Him to keep an eye on you. I know you are well protected, but you can never have too much. May you find your way over the twisting path before you, my friend.