Crash

[qos]

Despite my best intentions, and some excellent advice from a friend at work about not thinking about whether or not to exercise, just obeying my calendar and showing up, giving myself permission to participate at a lower level of intensity, or even leave early if necessary, I did not make it to Nia last night.

Part of it was due to excessively bad traffic, which doubled my commute time -- but to be honest, I was so flattened I had already called my daughter and told her to be ready to jump in the car and go grocery shopping with me when I got home. I got off work at 4:30, but didn't get home until almost 6pm. We got home from grocery shopping, daughter made a simple dinner, I ate most of mine, and then went to bed, doing only my Evening Cup ritual. I didn't even think twice about skipping everything else. My lights were out at 8pm, and I fell asleep almost immediately. I feel like I could have slept for another four hours, but I have to get daughter to school, and I have a full day ahead of me at work. I'm going to plan on gettting to bed early tonight as well.

I had been realizing that part of my exhaustion felt like energy leakage, and when I went to bed I asked for help from Ereshkigal, Inanna, LM and my other allies in fixing things. I tried to do my part as well, but the most significant thing seemed to be explicitly denying anyone/anything else permission to use my energy. I felt my boundaries solidify then -- although this morning I'm still feeling a hole. I need to take some time right now and try to fix it again.

Comments

[oakmouse]

We should talk tonight. *hugs*

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

I would like that. . .

[freyasman.livejournal.com]

I'll speak for myself and say that it can be a continuing challenge to not share energy that is just for us, for our own well-being and health and only share what can flow through us to others. With your permission, I'd be glad to send healing and renewing energy to you.