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qosMy personal journal contains a series of entries today about feeling an increasing desire to take ballroom dancing lessons, culminating in an announcement that I have a 30 minute private lesson tomorrow night.
This is huge for me. For most of my life, I've been a bookworm and lived in my head. The only real exception to that has been sexual passion. I've paid my body as little attention as I could get away with, and now that I'm 40+ the consequences are becoming harder for me to ignore. But even at my peak, the idea of dancing was stressful, for all kinds of reasons relating to self-consciousness, perfectionism, introversion, and etc.
So tomorrow I venture into new territory, territory that I've longed to explore but always held back from --- and that's A Very Good Thing, especially since it's also part of my grief-healing process.
I was unprepared for the one-two shot from the universe today.
First, on the subject of "weight loss" -- which I put in quotes because while I do want to lose weight, I do think about it in a holistic way: better eating habits, more exercise, more water, and etc. Today on FetLife, I found a post from someone asking what group members thought about "weight loss as an ordeal" -- and my ears pricked up.
One of the big challenges I have around improving my physical lifestyle habits is that I don't have any emotional energy around it. I've never been physically vain, and I don't have any important goals that are impacted by my physical condition (except insofar as any activity or goal is impacted by one's physical self), so it's always been a challenge for me to stay motivated. But framing it as a spiritual ordeal could be a valuable, vital paradigm shift. This is something I just happened on this afternoon, so I'll have to sit with it for a while and discuss it with my ordeal mistress (Ereshkigal), but I'm intrigued by the potentials.
The other shift is, of course, this sudden strong desire to try dancing. I see it as a direct consequence of my recent conversation with Ereshkigal and Her urging me to get in touch with Inanna and embrace passion. But it also builds on Wolfling's new-found love for salsa, and her desire to get me involved, reading Faith in Carlos Gomez, and![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jillwheezul's affirmation of embracing life. . .
I don't want to get too excited about any of this, because I hate my tendency to go head-over-heels and then burn out when things get challenging. . . but as I write that I think about my perserverance in staying with my priestess training for a year and a half, so maybe I'm starting to gain some resilience.
However either of these paths go, I want them to be joyous. I supposes there's always a time on any path when one has to simply grit one's teeth and keep going, but I want my overall approach to be gentle and joyous. And if you're asking how an "ordeal" can be "gentle and joyous" -- well, I'm kinky, and I'm pretty sure I know what that kind of space feels like.
More bulletins as events warrant. . .
This is huge for me. For most of my life, I've been a bookworm and lived in my head. The only real exception to that has been sexual passion. I've paid my body as little attention as I could get away with, and now that I'm 40+ the consequences are becoming harder for me to ignore. But even at my peak, the idea of dancing was stressful, for all kinds of reasons relating to self-consciousness, perfectionism, introversion, and etc.
So tomorrow I venture into new territory, territory that I've longed to explore but always held back from --- and that's A Very Good Thing, especially since it's also part of my grief-healing process.
I was unprepared for the one-two shot from the universe today.
First, on the subject of "weight loss" -- which I put in quotes because while I do want to lose weight, I do think about it in a holistic way: better eating habits, more exercise, more water, and etc. Today on FetLife, I found a post from someone asking what group members thought about "weight loss as an ordeal" -- and my ears pricked up.
One of the big challenges I have around improving my physical lifestyle habits is that I don't have any emotional energy around it. I've never been physically vain, and I don't have any important goals that are impacted by my physical condition (except insofar as any activity or goal is impacted by one's physical self), so it's always been a challenge for me to stay motivated. But framing it as a spiritual ordeal could be a valuable, vital paradigm shift. This is something I just happened on this afternoon, so I'll have to sit with it for a while and discuss it with my ordeal mistress (Ereshkigal), but I'm intrigued by the potentials.
The other shift is, of course, this sudden strong desire to try dancing. I see it as a direct consequence of my recent conversation with Ereshkigal and Her urging me to get in touch with Inanna and embrace passion. But it also builds on Wolfling's new-found love for salsa, and her desire to get me involved, reading Faith in Carlos Gomez, and
jillwheezul's affirmation of embracing life. . . I don't want to get too excited about any of this, because I hate my tendency to go head-over-heels and then burn out when things get challenging. . . but as I write that I think about my perserverance in staying with my priestess training for a year and a half, so maybe I'm starting to gain some resilience.
However either of these paths go, I want them to be joyous. I supposes there's always a time on any path when one has to simply grit one's teeth and keep going, but I want my overall approach to be gentle and joyous. And if you're asking how an "ordeal" can be "gentle and joyous" -- well, I'm kinky, and I'm pretty sure I know what that kind of space feels like.
More bulletins as events warrant. . .
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(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-09 02:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-09 05:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-09 06:11 pm (UTC)I used to dance a lot (nothing formal, just what came naturally to me), as part of my devotions to Dionysos mostly, and that faded for several reasons over the past few years. Would like to get back into it.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-09 10:03 pm (UTC)Also, the infertility clinic indicates that hypothyroidism (me) and weight (both of us) contribute to insulin resistance and the most-reliable way of lowering insulin resistance (which is sometimes a factor in infertility) is... increasing your muscle mass and doing more cardio.
You MUST come do the PombaGira dance on Friday night at P*con. It is more fun than watching a puppy-pile of well-oiled muscular young men. (well, almost more fun...)
and more about dance FORMS as well! Please.
p.s. you can steal this icon if you want... not your usual style, I know.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-09 10:37 pm (UTC)