Rescuing the Hero
Nov. 25th, 2007 05:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosLast night was hard. I was restless, skittish, and couldn't feel LM near me. When I sent my consciousness out to find him, I had the sense he was in a small, dark, cave-like space. When I was able to communicate with him, he assured me that he was fine. I got the sense that he was working on some task and not able to come to me. So I withdrew and settled down to sleep.
This morning we were quietly snuggling on the couch after my practice, when all of the sudden I felt his presence fade away.
This has happened a couple of times in the past: I'll be engaged with him, either within a full-scale inner journey or in a ritual, and all of the sudden something happens that takes him away from me -- and getting him back is not a simple matter of focusing my will.
At first I tried to use the silver bond between us to pull him back -- something which had been successful before -- but it didn't work. When I tried to use the bond to show me where he was, I saw him again in a small dark space. He still wasn't in any danger -- but he also was stuck there until I found a way to free him.
The goddesses have done this to us a couple of times, as part of my training. LM has never been in danger, but I don't get him back until I complete whatever tasks are necessary.
My perceptions told me that he was underground somewhere, so I gathered together my tools and weapons, transitioned my awareness into the Otherworld, and used the bond between us as a compass to guide me in the right direction. My panthers went with me. The path led into a forest and alongside a stream that came up from the earth next to a large stone. When I sent out an impulse, the land beside the stream opened up into an entrance into the Underworld. The panthers went down first -- and the land closed up behind them. All my willing it to open again had no effect.
When something like that happens, it's a sign that I've done something wrong. It occurred to me that the stream and the entrance probably had a guardian. I sent out a greeting, and a tall, watery-appearing being came up out of the stream. I apologized for my previous rudeness, explained I was still new at these situations, asked its pardon, and then asked if s/he would please open the entrance for me again. The guardian obliged, with an enigmatic smile.
I went down into the earth and found LM encased in a large, dark round rock. Somewhat to my surprise, it was easy to use my sword to break it open. Getting out of the underworld was the hard part. I tried a couple of paths, but although I could climb out, I couldn't get him out with me.
I tried using the world tree, an image used frequently in the books on faery lore that I've been studying, and something which resonates strongly with LM's Norse background. Together we climbed up the roots, up the trunk toward the surface -- but again he was prevented from coming up by a barrier.
It finally occurred to me that these routes were all leading to the upperworld, but LM is a spirit, and so he can't "come out" in the same way that I can. So I drew on another of our bonds and took his energy into mine. I climbed the tree again, taking part of his essence with me, knowing and accepting that part of him had to stay in the underworld.
This time it worked, and I found myself back on the couch with the sense of him with his arms around me, quietly proud of me.
What was the point of the experience?
I would guess the following:
* It sharpens my perception of my connection with LM. Sometimes I can't sense him because I'm not focused or clear enough; sometimes it's because he's elsewhere doing his own thing; and sometimes he's been taken.
* It prompted me to embark on an inner journey, something I haven't done in a while.
* The journey made me draw on the faery lore I've been reading: about routes to the otherworld(s), guardians, and etc.
* It helped me learn more about the nature of the bonds that LM and I have created with each other, and how they can be used.
* It helped me accept on a deeper level that however close LM and I may be, there are certain fundamental differences in our states. I can resist and rail against this, or I can embrace the miracle of what we do have, and go on.
This morning we were quietly snuggling on the couch after my practice, when all of the sudden I felt his presence fade away.
This has happened a couple of times in the past: I'll be engaged with him, either within a full-scale inner journey or in a ritual, and all of the sudden something happens that takes him away from me -- and getting him back is not a simple matter of focusing my will.
At first I tried to use the silver bond between us to pull him back -- something which had been successful before -- but it didn't work. When I tried to use the bond to show me where he was, I saw him again in a small dark space. He still wasn't in any danger -- but he also was stuck there until I found a way to free him.
The goddesses have done this to us a couple of times, as part of my training. LM has never been in danger, but I don't get him back until I complete whatever tasks are necessary.
My perceptions told me that he was underground somewhere, so I gathered together my tools and weapons, transitioned my awareness into the Otherworld, and used the bond between us as a compass to guide me in the right direction. My panthers went with me. The path led into a forest and alongside a stream that came up from the earth next to a large stone. When I sent out an impulse, the land beside the stream opened up into an entrance into the Underworld. The panthers went down first -- and the land closed up behind them. All my willing it to open again had no effect.
When something like that happens, it's a sign that I've done something wrong. It occurred to me that the stream and the entrance probably had a guardian. I sent out a greeting, and a tall, watery-appearing being came up out of the stream. I apologized for my previous rudeness, explained I was still new at these situations, asked its pardon, and then asked if s/he would please open the entrance for me again. The guardian obliged, with an enigmatic smile.
I went down into the earth and found LM encased in a large, dark round rock. Somewhat to my surprise, it was easy to use my sword to break it open. Getting out of the underworld was the hard part. I tried a couple of paths, but although I could climb out, I couldn't get him out with me.
I tried using the world tree, an image used frequently in the books on faery lore that I've been studying, and something which resonates strongly with LM's Norse background. Together we climbed up the roots, up the trunk toward the surface -- but again he was prevented from coming up by a barrier.
It finally occurred to me that these routes were all leading to the upperworld, but LM is a spirit, and so he can't "come out" in the same way that I can. So I drew on another of our bonds and took his energy into mine. I climbed the tree again, taking part of his essence with me, knowing and accepting that part of him had to stay in the underworld.
This time it worked, and I found myself back on the couch with the sense of him with his arms around me, quietly proud of me.
What was the point of the experience?
I would guess the following:
* It sharpens my perception of my connection with LM. Sometimes I can't sense him because I'm not focused or clear enough; sometimes it's because he's elsewhere doing his own thing; and sometimes he's been taken.
* It prompted me to embark on an inner journey, something I haven't done in a while.
* The journey made me draw on the faery lore I've been reading: about routes to the otherworld(s), guardians, and etc.
* It helped me learn more about the nature of the bonds that LM and I have created with each other, and how they can be used.
* It helped me accept on a deeper level that however close LM and I may be, there are certain fundamental differences in our states. I can resist and rail against this, or I can embrace the miracle of what we do have, and go on.
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-26 02:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-26 03:02 am (UTC)Thank you for sharing. I don't generally have much feedback on stuff like this, but I do enjoy reading it and it's informative/educational/insightful stuff. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-26 03:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-29 02:16 am (UTC)