Beyond the Gate

[qos]

At the beginning of September, I posted about finally "achieving" the Gate: making my way (on the inner) to a particular gate and looking through it. This was much more difficult than it sounds, and even though I finally got there, my assignment was not complete. There was more for me to understand about what I was seeing. That was clear to me, even without the confirmation from my teacher.

This morning, after doing yoga and The Rising Light Below, I sat down to pray. After a while I realized that it was time to go back to the Gate.

I had been assuming (hoping!) that once I'd found my way there it would be easy in the future. No such luck. Fortunately, there was someone powerful who was willing to help.

What I had seen the first time was very much like the image in this icon, although I didn't understand what (or who?) it was. It was very beautiful, obviously powerful, and completely incscrutable to me.



This time, when I managed to see both the Gate and other side simultaneously, I again saw brilliant diamond-white light, only this time it was focused in a column with a more diffuse penumbra around it. Anubis joined me, and I asked him what it was. He didn't answer, but I was reminded that previously I had been told that I was looking at my past and my future. I was also reminded of the difficulty I had getting here. At some point during this exchange, the light changed, become more diffuse with what looked like small stars circulating within the larger complex.

Finally it connected, in an utterly non-rational way. I was looking at whatever-it-is that makes a priest/ess. The charism of priesthood, or the grace, or whatever it is. It was energy I had once been very close to (perhaps long ago, when I had also stood by Anubis when his worship was widespread), and had later shut off from myself. Or not shut off. . . buried very deeply.

Shortly after I had this intuition, the light came through the Gate to me. (I had been warned not to cross the threshold.) I felt it go into my heart, and there was a sensation of being filled with light, with clarity and expansiveness.

I remembered my vision of a few months ago where a little girl former self told me that she had blocked her/our intuitive powers because she had been hurt by her community because of them. Now I had a sense of having been a nun, probably in the Middle Ages, whose visions were condemned by the hierarchy and who had shut herself down in order to survive within her convent.

At one point I felt pressure coming down into my head -- which is something I've been experiencing from time to time but hadn't posted publically about. Previously the pressure had been like a wedge going into the center of my brain. Today it was angled off to the left. I relaxed and affirmed that I wanted to release any blockage, and gradually the pressure eased and went away (which it hasn't always done in the past).

When it was over, I felt peaceful and centered, and my gut told me that I had found what I had been sent to find.

When I checked in with my teacher a little while ago, she affirmed that yes indeed I had "done it" and that The Ladies (Isis, Inanna and Arianrhod) were very pleased -- but that I needed to go back one more time. No reason is being given, but that's not surprising. These are the kinds of experience that are not enhanced by having preconceptions about what I'll find.

I feel a great sense of accomplishment. I had to be very persistent to make it happen, and it feels good to have won through.

Comments

[oakmouse]

*congratulatory hugs* I'm proud of you! You've done a lot of hard work and have earned your successes.

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

Thank you!