Pushing On

[qos]

I'm continuing to struggle with the same issues that I've been working on for the past couple of years. Each new insight seems to come slowly, with very little actual progress manifested in my external life. It's frustrating to the point of shame some days.

Today, despite my expectations of last night when I was tired and frustrated and wrung out after a week at the day job, I'm going to drive an hour to attend a study session of a Co-Masonic group I've been getting to know. I am desperate for adult, non-family contact outside of my work life, and I genuinely like these people. The fact that the lodge has a metaphysical focus is very important as well. I am lonely in my spiritual life, with the only friends who come close to being "co-religionists" living a very long way away.

I'm tired of feeling frustrated, trapped, isolated. . . but have yet to find the way out of the box.

Also looking forward to today's visit with Hob for a gaming session with him and Wolfling. But I'm even a bit afraid of that. I'm not sure I'll have the creative energy and juices to roleplay well. On the other hand, Wolfling is a brilliant rpg'er, and Hob is always inspiring. At worst, just hanging out with them will be fun.

One of the big blessings of my life is that I truly enjoy hanging out with my kid -- and she enjoys it too.

Comments

[watcher457.livejournal.com]

Sounds like the RPG will be fun. Sometimes I miss RPing with friends.

Keep your chin up, love. It's hard and frustrating, but you'll get through this seemingly endless plateau. I am feeling particularly isolated from my Boss right now, any of the Gods for that matter, which is exceptionally painful because of the medical problems I'm having right now. Fortunately, it was confirmed to me that He is still very much there from an outside divination, but it's hard when you feel isolated and alone. My spiritual group right now has been taking a break for a few months now, and they don't seem to go in quite the same direction I do, and I'm also very much the type that lets things simmer and slowly inspiration comes. It's slow and frustrating.

What I'm trying to say is, please don't feel alone. There are people who do understand. *hugs*

[qos.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for this comment!

I feel like we really need to try to get together more often. I know Wolfling also would like to spend more time with you.

[watcher457.livejournal.com]

I know. I do like hanging out with you guys. It's just really difficult with my lack of car. But we do have to schedule something soon, I think.

[qos.livejournal.com]

I agree!

Maybe we can take this conversation to email for the details?

[gailmom.livejournal.com]

One of the big blessings of my life is that I truly enjoy hanging out with my kid -- and she enjoys it too

This made me smile. :)

[oakmouse]

*hugs* Good for you. Keep on going; it does get better.

[jillwheezul.livejournal.com]

Hope the chocolate rush made the day better :)

[qos.livejournal.com]

It did! And the basket was beautiful!

I hope it was okay that I sent the bin of garb to you. I didn't know if you'd seen my earlier emails and messages or not. It was hard to let it go, but I'm never going to use it again, and I wanted to be sure it was back in good hands.

[rin-x-x.livejournal.com]

I honestly can't speak for Wolfling, but just know that I think it's awesome that you hang out with her doing stuff that isn't related to shopping, and that you both have shared interests. Some times I wonder if my mother and I could've ended up that way, had certain events never happened, but I think we're too different. I think my mom kind of "sold out", because there were many things I knew of her youth that would have made us really great friends, but then today she tells me she "grew out of it". Kinda makes me sad. :\

Ahhh! I didn't mean for this to be such a downer post! Just wanted to let you know that you're an awesome mom. :)

[qos.livejournal.com]

Thank you! And while I'm sorry you and your mom didn't share more, I didn't consider it a "downer" comment.

I was talking to someone yesterday about this and realized again how very, very little there was that I shared with either of my parents. They couldn't relate to most of the things that interested me, and I wasn't interested in their interests. I feel very, very fortunate that Wolfling and I do have things in common.