Violence Before Sex

[qos]

I'm on a raw edge this morning, and the thought that the kind of institution I really, really want for comfort and support does not -- and could not -- exist in my culture is making me uncharacteristically snarky and bitter.

I am getting very, very tired of the sexual hypocriscy of US culture, especially in the area of the criminalization of prostitution and the denial of the spiritual aspects of sexuality.



If we are willing to pay soldiers to defend our country by killing**, and pay professional athletes even more money to pummel each other in modern arenas, and allow cigarette companies to churn out a product that has been proven to be lethal, why the hell do we make it a crime for women (and men) to earn money by selling sexual services?

At FormerMyCo, one of my co-workers had a computer wallpaper that showed Muhammed Ali in a boxing ring standing in an aggressive posture over a prone opponent. I think there were some inspirational words as part of the image, but they were not legible to someone just passing by. Every time I saw it, I thought about the fact that if I had an image of two people dressed in nothing but shorts embracing each other, I would probably be contacted by HR or my manager and asked to take it down as being "offensive" to someone's sensibilities. It's okay to show an image of the after-effects of one man beating another to unconsciousness, but not one of love and passion.

As the years pass and I continue my life as a single adult, I find myself wishing more and more that there were clean, pleasant businesses where I could go to experience sexual pleasure. I wish even more deeply that there were religious centers which understood and honored the link between sex and spirit, and which offered the opportunity of ordeal work for spiritual initiations or simple catharsis. I wish that someone could establish such a place without having the surrounding community go into a frothing panic about the wickedness and "nastiness" of such a place, and about how obviously calling such a place "spiritual" was just a front because any sexual element would negate any claim to authentic spirituality.

I can retain the services of a personal trainer who will help me push my physical limits in the realm of exercise or sports training; I can pay a massage therapist to deliver therapeutic touch (so long as there is not a hint of eroticism!); I can seek pastoral or secular counseling to deal with my emotional challenges. But there is no corresponding professional in the area of intimacy -- not with the same degree of openness and acceptance, anyway.

Meanwhile, specialists in war, professional athletes, and corporate executives ply their trades openly, with more or less support of the community, but sex workers of any kind are marginalized, criminalized, and in many cases considered to have no rights to legal protection. Just a few weeks ago, a defense attorney for an accused rapist argued not that his client did not commit the acts of which he was accused but that they should not be considered rape because the victim was a prostitute and therefore had forfeited any right to ownership of her own body. Convicting this man of rape, he argued, would be "a slap in the face of virtuous wives, mothers and daughters everywhere." (Fortunately, the jury disagreed and found him guilty.)

I'm not trying to romanticize prostitution. I'm aware of the evils of trafficking, and of the abuse of prostitutes by pimps, drug dealers, and others. However, I firmly believe that those evils would be diminished if prostitution was legal.

It infuriates me that our culture embraces sexual elements in advertising and media, but denies the actuality of the sexual needs and possibilities of ordinary people. You can sell the appearance of sex -- and make a great deal of money doing so -- but the moment the sex becomes real, the force of law and public opinion rises up in condemnation.

It's not just prositutition that gets this reaction, of course, it's any expression of sexuality that falls outside the realm of monogamous, heterosexual partnership.

And this morning, I'm plain sick and tired of it.


** None of this rant is meant to dishonor soliders. I'm on the record many times as supporting soldiers and warriors, even though I am against the current wars my country is fighting. I'm simply pointing out that there is a legal, acceptable way to make a living in this country through being trained to kill, but not one of equal legitimacy to make a living by being sexual.

Comments

[kaligrrrl.livejournal.com]

great post!