Searching and Loss

[qos]

I just drove over to Capitol Hill, parked, and retraced my steps of last night. I even stopped in the bead shop on the route in the slim chance that someone who picked it up might have turned it in there.

I went to the restaurant too - even though they've told me twice it wasn't there. But I had to look for myself. The room where we'd been sitting had been completely rearranged. It wasn't there. I suspect it's in a vacuum cleaner bag somewhere.

I guess I didn't really expect to find it, but once I thought about coming back I could not not do it.

As I drove, I thought about the hematite ring I'd broken. I thought about my stolen wedding ring, and how if I were given the chance and the choice I'd take Lohain's strand (or the $2 hematite ring) over several thousand dollars worth of diamonds and gold.

And then I thought of Ereshkigal, and the way She demands that we strip things away, leave them behind as we descend.

I want my strand back. I got tears in my eyes as I was leaving the restaurant without it. But if it doesn't miraculously turn up soon I'm going to let it go as gracefully as I can.

I'm not good at letting go. It's not something I think about often, but it's true. The only times I can remember being good at letting go have been when I was leaving a relationship on my own terms.

I suspect that working with Ereshkigal is going to help with that. So many deaths in our lives: moments when something passes away forever. We're allowed -- encouraged -- to grieve, but then we are called to face the empty space with courage and with openness to possibilities.

If nothing else, I have gained that wisdom from the heartbreaks of the last year and a half.

Comments

[red-the-squeaky.livejournal.com]

Hugs.
I know you had the strand in your hand for most of the meeting. My guess is that it is on your person or in your car. When you're ready to stop flailing for it, it will likely reveal itself.

I don't know a thing about Ereshkigal. But if I were in the mood to help you practice letting go, I would hide something precious from you just long enough for you to re-evaluate the assigned and intrinsic value/power of the thing.

Hugs again.
There's no hurry to "get over it" either.

[qos.livejournal.com]

*hugs

Thank-you, Red. You know, I didn't remember holding it in my hand at all. It gives me hope that even though I've gone through my purse several times I may yet find it there. . .

[lupagreenwolf.livejournal.com]

***hugs***

[elevengirl.livejournal.com]

I have a pair of earrings that my mother knew I'd love, and I do, because they're beautiful and because of the sentiment. One of them has gone missing twice (not sure if it was the same one each time). Both times I had quit looking when the earring emerged from hiding.

I send you my best wishes and hope that the strand reveals itself. I won't say "soon," because that may not be part of the way this will work out.

[qos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I've about given up hope, but trying to be at peace with that. . .