Writer's Block: Significant Other
Feb. 28th, 2009 12:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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In my experience, the most important quality of a significant other is his ability to make it safe for me to be utterly open and honest, and then to accept, embrace, and love all of what I have revealed of myself.
In contrast, I keenly remember a moment during my courtship with my now-ex husband. I had confessed a rather shameful secret to him, and he had listened with acceptance and forgiveness (even though the transgression had not been against him). It was such a relief to be able to tell this sordid truth and not be rejected, and I thought I could tell this man anything and he'd forgive me.
And that was true.
I realized far too late that "accepting and forgiving" is not the same "accepting and loving."
My sweet husband who could forgive anything could not accept and love certain parts of myself that were necessary for me to thrive.
It was Lohain and Lee who showed me just how liberating -- how intoxicating -- it is to be loved in every dark and secret corner of myself. That is a gift I will always cherish, a revelation and a realization that sets the standard for my expectations of all relationships going forward.
In my experience, the most important quality of a significant other is his ability to make it safe for me to be utterly open and honest, and then to accept, embrace, and love all of what I have revealed of myself.
In contrast, I keenly remember a moment during my courtship with my now-ex husband. I had confessed a rather shameful secret to him, and he had listened with acceptance and forgiveness (even though the transgression had not been against him). It was such a relief to be able to tell this sordid truth and not be rejected, and I thought I could tell this man anything and he'd forgive me.
And that was true.
I realized far too late that "accepting and forgiving" is not the same "accepting and loving."
My sweet husband who could forgive anything could not accept and love certain parts of myself that were necessary for me to thrive.
It was Lohain and Lee who showed me just how liberating -- how intoxicating -- it is to be loved in every dark and secret corner of myself. That is a gift I will always cherish, a revelation and a realization that sets the standard for my expectations of all relationships going forward.
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(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-01 03:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-01 05:52 am (UTC)Are you going to post on this topic yourself?
(Haven't checked my friends page for several hours. . .)