Mind, Body, Mirror

[qos]

I've been feeling intensely disappointed in my own appearance recently: extra weight, hair limp, no make-up. When I was young, I was always a little heavier than I should have been, had a passionate hatred of phys ed class, and had a sedentary intellectual's defensive disdain for the way other girls spent time on make-up and elaborate hair care. I washed my hair, blow-dried it, and held it back with clips or in a ponytail, and if I used make-up at all it was a quick brush of blush, a bit of lipstick and some mascara. If that. I figured it would be pointless to put effort into it, since I was never going to be the thin, lovely type for whom make-up and hair spray were designed. (This is a 12-18 year old mind here.) I've done some weight loss in my life, and the only times I ever really felt makeup and hair effort were worthwhile was when I had the kind of body I felt combined with them as a striking total effect.

But even at the times of my best physical condition, I never really came to like make-up or hair stuff. I never wanted to take the time to really learn to use it well, and so it never had the impact it could have. The perverse refusal to spend the money or the time continued to be a factor.

But the last few weeks I've been looking in the mirror and seeing that I really do need help. I'm not as young as I was, and I haven't been able to get by on the natural assets I do have (and I do have them, even with my extra weight). Then there's the goddaughter upstairs, who is a tall, big-boned girl with some extra weight as well -- and she loves make-up and glam and shows me how much Attitude goes toward making someone attractive. G'daughter thinks of herself as sexy and beautiful -- and damn if she doesn't make me think so too! A powerful lesson.

So while The Child was at the birthday party yesterday, I went to the make-up department at the Bon and found a lovely young woman who spent about half an hour with me working on a makeup routine I would be willing to do, and she took the time to coach me on doing the application myself before I left the counter (something I haven't done before). And I'm pleased with the results. Then I had my eyebrows waxed (which I do regularly), and I'm going to schedule a permanent for after I get my new paycheck. And I start at the gym on Tuesday evening.

The biggest element to all this, I've come to realize, is attitude. I've been depressed with my appearance and so let it get worse instead of working to use what I've got. I don't want to become obsessed with appearance, but I do want to feel good when I look in the mirror. There's a healthy balance in this area that I've struck only a few times in my life.

I've been thinking about Inanna energy, which is something I think the G'daughter has: she does what she can to feel beautiful in her own skin, on her own terms, and her boyfriend can appreciate it or he can take a hike. She accentuates her positive and if she worries about the rest, she deals with it in private. While I feel bad showing the extra flesh on my upper arms, she's wearing tops that show twice as much skin and accentuate her bustline. And there's nothing reticent or shamed in the energy she radiates. Her style isn't mine, but - again - her energy is something I'm working on cultivating: being comfortable in my skin, proud of what I've got, and exuberant in celebrating my own real beauty, which is as much internal as it is external.

Comments

All women have a beauty

[mtl.livejournal.com]

But it must be found. You will find it.

Bonne courage!

Re: All women have a beauty

[qos.livejournal.com]

I'm starting to remember to look for it.

Merci!