Then and Now

[qos]

First, this lovely commercial created and aired by Bjorn Borg, courtesy of an LJ friend who posted it in a locked entry and so who will remain nameless.

This made me smile. A lot.

Then I suddenly remembered a time when the exact same imagery did not make me smile.



Somewhere in my adolescent journals is an angsty entry talking about a movie that my 8th grade "Careers" class teacher showed us based on the book Future Shock. The point of the movie was to try to open our eyes to how fast change happens. At least I think that was the point. I only remember one scene: a marriage ceremony between two men.

I remember that scene because it literally made me sick to my stomach. I found it deeply upsetting, perhaps even horrifying. Two men. Marrying! How could such an awful thing ever happen? My journal entry includes an expression of heartfelt gratitude that I knew Christian men who would never, ever do such a thing.

My 13 year-old self was a mainstream Christian who lived in a mill town 30 years ago. It's quite possible that that was the first time I'd been presented with any image of homosexuality outside some vague references in biblical passages that condemned the practice. When I saw that image of two men marrying in a church, with the approval of their community, it was a threat to all that I held most dear. Not because it would impact my freedom to have the relationships I wanted, but because it meant that the fabric of my community -- religious as well as social -- would be condoning something twisted and wrong.

I would blush for the girl that I was, except that I don't know how she could have been any different, living in the world she did. I had to get out into the wider world and actually meet gays and lesbians before I overcame my homophobia.

I am, however, proud that sexual orientation, gender identification, and monogamy/polyamory are all non-issues for my own almost-thirteen-year-old daughter. She doesn't care about how peoples' plumbing fits together, or in what combinations, or how it may have been modified. All she cares about is whether or not people are kind to each other, loyal, honest, and fair.

Wolfling probably wouldn't think twice about this commercial, one way or the other, just as she doesn't really understand the significance of having a black man become president of the United States.

My daughter is growing up in a different world than I did -- and she's a more compassionate, more just person than I was at her age.

Comments

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

What a lovely vid!

And don't be too hard on that earlier self, how could she have been any different? *hug*

[druidharper.livejournal.com]

I've noticed that in the younger folk today, and it's a very good thing to see.

And don't beat yourself up over the past; you've grown and that's more than a lot of us manage to do. :)

Brightest of Blessings

[malakhgabriel.livejournal.com]

I was the same kid as you in that way. Strongly racist too. I'm still figuring out how to manage that in myself.

[9thmoon.livejournal.com]

When I was in high school, I wrote an article about why gay people shouldn't be allowed to adopt, because "their" lifestyle was promiscuous and drug-addled and irresponsible and not a good environment for children.
Ca. 2008, I celebrate (http://9thmoon.livejournal.com/2055529.html) when laws like Florida's gay adoption ban get challenged.
Live and learn, sister.

[qos.livejournal.com]

"their" lifestyle was promiscuous and drug-addled and irresponsible and not a good environment for children.

I remember feeling that way about kinky people too. . . Now I've taught my daughter how to use safewords for play wrestling (without her knowing yet where the concept comes from).

[9thmoon.livejournal.com]

I felt that way about kinky people as recently as four years ago. More experience with the kink community as I explore my own sexuality has unfortunately shown me that lots and lots of kinky people *are* promiscuous, drug-addled, and irresponsible...
But there are a few good apples. =)

[qos.livejournal.com]

lots and lots of kinky people *are* promiscuous, drug-addled, and irresponsible...

As are a lot of vanilla people, of course. ;-)

I figure the good and bad apples get pretty thoroughkly mixed up through most categories that are drawn along sex and gender lines.

[athenian-abroad.livejournal.com]

When I saw that image of two men marrying in a church, with the approval of their community, it was a threat to all that I held most dear. Not because it would impact my freedom to have the relationships I wanted, but because it meant that the fabric of my community -- religious as well as social -- would be condoning something twisted and wrong.

Yep. Which means that you have "standing" to approach the issue in a very different way from, say, the Olberman commentary. That is, you can say that you do understand why gay marriage is so important to those who oppose it, not because you agree or because you can comprehend intellectually -- but because you've experienced the emotions, yourself, for real.

Which puts you in an interesting position...like, hmmmm...some sort of...bridge? Between worlds? ;-)

So. What do you do now?

[qos.livejournal.com]

Continue what I've been doing for the past several years: outing myself whenever I feel I have sufficient credibility in a relationship or community to do so with a reasonable assurance that the "alt" affiliation (Paganism, polyamory, kink) won't entirely overwhelm the opinions they have already formed about me as an individual.

You wrote on another comment that it would be nice if the governor had been able to uphold equal rights for all without needing to know gays and lesbians who had opened his eyes to the reality of their lives. I continue to maintain that while you're right, it would indeed be better that way, change more often comes about when individuals have their biases challenged by finding out that the people they know, like, and/or respect are "one of Them" -- and not actually a threat to the fabric of society.

If I were still a practicing Christian, I might be able to be a better bridge to those whose fear and prejudice are based on their faith, but I don't have that standing anymore. Instead, I become a case study for the consequences of "falling away": Pagan, kinky, polyamorous, divorced, LGBT-friendly. Hardly someone whose memories of thirty years ago would count for much based on the life I have lived since then.

[lupagreenwolf.livejournal.com]

*nods* I went through a distinct phase of homophobia in high school--in part because I was desperately trying to hide my feelings for women in an environment where I was already getting horribly picked on. Add in that I was a Catholic in a small town, and you have a recipe for disaster. Fortunately I learned better very quickly once I hit college.

[9thmoon.livejournal.com]

in part because I was desperately trying to hide my feelings for women

Yes, this.

I was seven years old, the first time I told someone I was gay. She was my older cousin and confidante... and she said "Oh, September, don't ever tell anyone that again. I promise not to tell, but don't ever say that again."

[dorjejaguar.livejournal.com]

That video had me crying.
It's very heartening to hear of how your child understands things. Thank you for helping give her this understanding. Truly, thank you.
I know the world is an incredibly diverse place and understandings differ greatly.
I'm inspired and hopeful to hear of hers.

I had a similar upbringing to yours though it wasn't as complete. When I was 13 homosexual behavior seemed strange and wrong. Then I moved to the Bay Area (in California). My father whom I was now living with neither condemned nor promoted it. I had a best friend who was bisexual, then my first girlfriend at 16.
While my mother raised me to be Christian, she also raised me to be loving, however imperfectly.
I'm sure that helped.
Anyhoo, I'm so happy to see the changes that are happening. I really really am.

[savantium.livejournal.com]

For some reason I didn't exact that ending. I loved the video though. Made me smile really big. I have always been sexually open even as a young one. But we all move through life at our own pace. You see the difference and evolution of yourself and that is a very good thing.