The Knack -- Or Its Lack

[qos]

I am, as I have always been, an introvert.
I need a certain amount of alone time on a consistent basis or I go nuts.

But I have lost the knack of being alone.
I have lost the knack of being at peace with it.

I resent the fact that now when I think about doing something fun I almost inevitably wish that there was someone here to share the experience with me. I wasn't that way Before.

Before, I didn't really experience "lonely."
I do now.



That said, I am at a place where grief-related posts aren't going to be using the fully-veiled Arwen icon anymore. This icon acknowledges loss, but the pain in it is less acute.

It's a cropped version of a painting called "Black Widow" by Jeff Johnson. Shortly before he died, Lohain refered to me as "The Goddess Widow." It's not a title I ever wanted, but it seems to be part of my path this time around.

Comments

[erl-queen.livejournal.com]

I certainly can't speak to the grief element here, but I can speak to general loneliness. The trick, in my experience, is to just do it - make yourself go do things, especially things that people generally do in couples or groups, alone. Like going to a movie, going out to eat at a sit-down restaurant, etc. And also, it helps to remember: people like us, we are not ever alone if we don't want to be. You have your gods, you have L, available to you. Maybe it's hard to connect with them sometimes, and maybe it's a good thing to still deliberately spend time really alone, but it's something to remember.

*hugs*

[dorjejaguar.livejournal.com]

When I was a child I was always lonely but didn't know it. But I also had this incredible space around me, this space of my own. I was hard to reach and comfortable there.
Sometimes it drove people nuts, if they ever noticed, that is. That lasted into my teens.
I think around about 19 it started to go away, if not before.
I miss the space. Everything hits me so quickly (since then), from them to me . But I know when I'm lonely now, and my lonely doesn't hurt the way it did when I was little even if I didn't know it was there.
I don't like being lonely but I think that's cause maybe I harbor some untrue thoughts about what lonely means. Thoughts to sort through and dissolve someday.

[amqu.livejournal.com]

I am also an introvert and need time alone or go crazy. But when I was around people I was very comfortable with it. Very socially adept. Enjoyed people.

In the last couple years, I have developed the opposite problem of yours. I am no longer comfortable spending much time in other people's company. I prefer to be alone.

I think I'm in danger of becoming one of those eccentric old ladies who dress funny and have lots of cats. Except I don't like cats.