Note to Self

[qos]

Choices determine actions.
Actions over time become identity.
Failing to make clear choices, consistently, means becoming a twig in a river.

I'm off my center and have been for a couple of weeks now. Looking back, I suppose the trip and the job change could be expected to have that effect: completely disrupting my usual patterns and expectations.

But even that assessment -- "disrupting my patterns" -- points out how much I've been running on auto-pilot. Yes, there was a challenge to keeping up the activities that should be part of my core, everyday practices -- but they are not so complicated or demanding that I could not have done them if I had made that choice.

It has always and ever been too easy for me to just drift along, to not make the choices that result in the kind of life I claim I want. For a long time I believed it was enough to think certain ways, about certain things, and those thoughts would define me. But that's only true to a limited degree. What good are the deepest or most creative of thoughts if they aren't brought to manifestation, if they don't lead to action, to becoming?

I'm good with words. I always have been. But after a certain point, words are cheap.

What are ye prepared to do?

Comments

[coen.livejournal.com]

Most important things in my life, are things that just happened to me, not because I chose for them to happen. Some of those things were very good things, some of them were not.
If I had made clear choices, my life would look very different now. Possibly a lot better. But I can't be sure of that.

But taking actions demands courage, and courage is something I don't have a lot of. Only in the last few years did I have the courage to change some major things in my life.

But still, I often find myself waiting for good things to happen, instead of working for good things.

[coen.livejournal.com]

I have a question for you.
A couple of months ago I befriended you, and you befriended me back. I commented on your LJ a couple of times, and you replied a couple of times.
After those first times, you did not reply to my comments anymore. And you didn't comment to my posts either.

And it makes me wonder, are you at all interested in being my Lj friend?
Don't get me wrong. You are in no way obligated to be intrested in me or to like me. It is very well possible that at first you thought I was interesting, and later on you thought I was boring. If that is so, I won't hold it against you, but I do want to know.
Because if you are not interested in what I write, I am going to delete you from my friends' list. No hard feelings. I just like to know that the people who can read my posts, are also interested in them. Maybe not in all of my posts, but at least in some of them. And if people are not interested, that's okay too, but then I don't open up to them.

So here's my question: are you interested in the posts I write, or in the comments I write to your post, and in the continuation of our LJ-friendship?
I don't ask for life time commitment, I don't ask you to love me, (and I know that an LJ friendship is by far not the same as a real friendship) I just want to know if you are still interested in what I write.

[qos.livejournal.com]

You are clearly a nice person, Coen, and I've appreciated the supportive comments you leave, but you are one of a dozen or more people I unfriended a while ago because I simply don't have the time or energy to keep up with everyone -- and I never felt the kind of connection with you that I do with the folks I chose to leave on my flist.

I will have no hard feelings if you unfriend me in turn. I have done the same with people who don't respond to my comments or read my journal even if I enjoyed reading their journal at first. I wish you well.

[coen.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your honest answer. I know the feeling. There a re lot of people on LJ that seem nice and intresting, but I only have a limited amount of time and energy to spend on LJ, so I can't be friends with everyone.

I am going to unfriend you, but I still hope to one day find a book about Sumerian deities by you.

;^)

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Some people seem to be the kind of drift along taking life as it comes. Others seem to be the kind to make waves. From time to time, both kinds need to take a page from the other's book, in order to have the kind of life they want. Neither temperament is wrong; they are different.

It sounds like you (and I) are the first kind, and right now is a time for you (and me) to make choices/changes, rather than operating on auto-pilot.

[qos.livejournal.com]

I like the way you put that.

[oakmouse]

I hear a familiar voice in that last sentence.

The important thing is to remember that being aware of your choices --- and of the fact that a non-choice is also a choice --- gives you the leverage you need to move your world. Consciousness is the universal solvent, as JM says.