Names

[qos]

A few weeks ago, the LJ "Writers Block Prompt" asked "If you could change your name, what would you change it to and why?"

Ever since then I've coming back to that question and asking one of my own in response: What do you mean "if"? Anyone can change their name!


What do you think?
Is your name yours to do with as you please, in whole or in part?
Or do you consider it something that has to be kept as it was given to you?


In my own case, I legally changed my middle name to what I considered to be a heroine name when I was 21 or 22.

I like my first and last names well enough, but would have changed my first name if I didn't like it. My last name I feel obligated to keep, as I have a very strong connection to my birth family. On the other hand, my daughter has my ex-husband's last name (which I never took), and that doesn't bother me.

What did bother me was when people expressed concern that my not having the same last name as my daughter and her father might cause her to have social or emotional issues.

Comments

[oakmouse]

What do you think?
Is your name yours to do with as you please, in whole or in part?
Or do you consider it something that has to be kept as it was given to you?

Speaking purely for myself, as opposed to generalizing for others: yes and yes.

I couldn't wait to lose my maiden name. It was oddly spelled, resembled a first name (thus causing me to be patronized rigid by people who asked me to give them my last name and then when I gave it to them said "no, dear, I said your LAST name"), and rhymed with a word that made playground teasing of the fat girl particularly cruel. I also don't identify particularly strongly with my father's family. On the other hand, my husband's last name is simple, difficult to mis-spell, sounds good with my first name, and was something I could change to without having to pay a court fee. That decision was a gimme.

On the other hand, my first name, which is also oddly spelled and very unusual, I wouldn't consider changing. Yes, I only use the first half of it except when signing legal papers, but it's part of my self-identity. It also was my great-grandmother's name and I look a lot like her. She's from the part of my family I identify with most strongly. So my first name is mine, as much part of my familial legacy as my hair and eye color.

(That said, though, if I disliked it I would change it without a qualm, so I suppose the answer is actually yes and no-with-qualifications.)

[qos.livejournal.com]

I didn't realize that the first name by which I call you isn't the full name. Is it something you're willing to share in email?

[oakmouse]

Yep! Done.

[seauleja.livejournal.com]

I have changed my last name three times. Took my first husband's last name when we married, then decided I wanted my maiden name back. The second time I married, I took my husband's last name. That decision was partly because my dad had just royally made me mad and somewhat alienated just before we married. But mostly because it felt right. I like this new last name.

Back to the question, of course it is ok to change any names you want to, and I thought your response was logical. Names are too important to have for anyone other than yourself...keeping it for your relationship with someone it came from also being fine.

I love, love, love my first name, and am also happy with my middle name. My first name means "the knowing woman." My mom was brilliant in choosing it. The numerology of my maiden last name meant "executive," my married last name "adventurer." A good change that I quite liked.

[qos.livejournal.com]

I really like your first name too -- the more so now that I know the meaning! And the numerology change is great.

[bookchick.livejournal.com]

Well, what do YOU think my answer would be? ;>

I have a lot of friends who have hated their names all their lives, but never contemplated changing it. I, as you know, have no qualms. I love my last name - I like that our whole family has a name that the H and I picked out specifically *for our family*. However, I wouldn't care if the kids decide to change their names, b/c to me, it is about self-identity. In fact, after the next adoption is final, I plan on legally changing the first name, something I've wanted to do for a few years, but have put off until our family was complete.

[qos.livejournal.com]

Your answer was obvious! ;-)

I didn't realize you were planning on changing your first name, however. For a moment I wondered "Why wait?" -- then I realized that when going through the process you are the last thing you need is something to complicate the paperwork!