Ambushed by the Biscuits

[qos]

I've been peaceful most of today, so I went to the grocery store for necessities. Everything was fine until I went by the cold case where they had the Pillsbury Biscuits in the cardboard cylinders.

Lohain and I shared those, along with a common bowl of flank steak strips, for what turned out to be his last meal. He had relished each one, commenting a couple of times about how good they were, and insisted I eat three.

Seeing the cartons opened up my grief again, I started crying. And while I wanted to let the tears flow, I was not going to do so in the middle of the grocery store. The awareness of his loss has opened up again like a big, black hole.

Comments

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

How wonderful that he cherished that meal with you. xox

[qos.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about that.
He would not have said so at the time, since he would not have wanted me to worry or grieve, but I suspect that on some level he had an intuition that it would be the last meal we shared.
I'm glad that even though it was simple, it was special, and that he enjoyed it so much.

[qos.livejournal.com]

On some level, it was a relief to cry, even there under the bright lights next to the dairy case, because I hadn't cried yet today, and I felt uncomfortable about that, even though I know intellectually that the grief will ebb and flow.

[oakmouse]

It's the small things that can really knock you upside the head, precisely because they're small; they sneak in past the coping mechanisms.

*hug*

[dream-singer.livejournal.com]

We are here for hugs any time you want to let the tears flow.