In Which I Suddenly Enter a New Phase of Parenthood

[qos]

I just got home from work and brought my computer out of stand-by mode. A browser window was open to an unfamiliar page. I scanned the screen and found that it was fanfic about an anime series my eleven year-old daughter likes.

It was rated "T - for teen, not suitable for readers under 13."



The single page chapter was about one character about to leave on a private quest and his newly-awakened awareness of the beauty of one of his comrades. Not so bad. But then, just before he leaves, he starts glancing into his friends' windows as a kind of goodbye. At one, he sees the previously-mentioned girl coming out of the bathroom in a towel and then drop the towel. He sees her "clean-shaven womanhood" and has an erection, fleeing a few moments later.

O-kay.

I realize this is fairly mild stuff for the internet fanfic genre. But how do I feel about my daughter reading it?

First impulse: I don't like it. I don't like having my daughter, who I consider to be biologically but not socially sophisticated in the area of sexuality, reading this material at this time.

But is that my own mother talking, or my personal considered opinion?

Whenever I think about censoring my daughter -- and I do believe that parents have both the right and responsibility to review and at times restrict their children's reading and viewing -- I come smack up against the fact that my own parents, who are far more conservative than I am, never ever censored my reading materials.

Then again: I don't think they realized what I found to read, or what kinds of "mature situations" I discovered in some of those science fiction and bodice-ripper romance novels during my early adolescence. I, on the other hand, am quite aware of what is out there.

I'm not adverse to her being exposed to either sexuality or violence in certain contexts. For example: I let her watch Firefly with me because I think that it presents an array of very positive images of sexuality, as well as clear examples of abusive or manipulative sexuality on the part of some villains. Is some of it technically too mature for her? Perhaps, but I like the idea of some of those images being in her brain to offset whatever she might be running into elsewhere or later. And we've talked about some of it together. Most of the time, she's not particularly interested. It seems to go right past her.

The question, I suppose, is this: what does my daughter think about this stuff, especially the page of fanfic I just read? Is she already encountering images and situations like this in her other reading? What does she think and feel when she reads it?

I can speculate and agonize all I want -- but the best course is to sit down and talk with her.

Comments

[blessed-harlot.livejournal.com]

This is complicated stuff. As always, I'm impressed with the authenticity you bring to new challenges that come your way. I appreciate hearing about your thought processes.

[bodhibird.livejournal.com]

All I can say is that I have been there. Alice spent her middle school years watching Homicide episodes and reading BDSM-oriented Spike/Willow Buffy fanfic online. *facepalms* I guess she's turned out ok.

[qos.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing that. :-)

[stiobhanrune.livejournal.com]

You're a good mom, hon. If you care that much, then you're doing a good job. Sexuality is a hard question to answer: everyone has sexual development, and it's hard to make sure as a parent that you're helping theirs grow healthily. However, from what I read above in your post, I have faith that you're doing a good job, and will continue to do so. So, my kudos to you. :)

[amqu.livejournal.com]

My parents never censored anything I read growing up. However, I'm sure that's because they never had any idea what I was reading and therefore it never occurred to them to do so. I was reading waaaay past my age range.

Although I read everything I could get my hands on, I would often censor myself. When coming to sex passages in books, I would just skim over until I saw we were back into what I considered "the meat" of the story. When I was that young (about grades 3-6) I just wasn't interested in that sort of thing. I probably started reading the sex-themed passages when I was about seventh grade. I do remember reading a scene I didn't quite understand in fourth grade that in retrospect was about masturbation, but I didn't quite get it then. But I wasn't the most worldly kid, so your mileage may vary.

I did start reading some pretty hard-core stuff about seventh grade. Can't say it was good for me, although I never acted out sexually.

I had three things going for me:

1) I was raised in a belief system that discussed sexual matters (discreetly) in a congregation setting so that sex, while definitely reserved for a husband and wife, was not something considered taboo or dirty. There was no Sunday School ridiculousness, so children heard about this stuff sitting next to their parents and it all seemed very matter-of-fact. If you were even paying attention at all and not counting the number of light bulbs in the light fixtures or wondering how many more minutes until you could leave and go play with your cousins.

2) My parents were not prudish. And I mean that in more than just a sexual sense. I sometimes asked the most outrageous stuff, and they never got flustered or outraged. As young as six, I questioned things like the goodness of God and how do you know which religion is right, etc. They just told me what they thought, and let me ruminate and cogitate.

3) I've always been level-headed and had no burning desire to rebel against anything.

[southernselkie.livejournal.com]

Wow... *grimace grin* Talking is good. From a teacherly perspective, I would say it is a bit early for her to be reading that kind of sexuality, which though light, is a bit much developmentaly for a young lady in elementary school.

Just my thoughts. I know you will find a wise way to work with the situation.

How old >were< you when you found those things. I just remember you coming back from college to tell me about bodice rippers. Was it earlier? Heh... Obviously, I was way slow. ;>