Yesterday Morning's Thought

[qos]

A significant portion of my spiritual practice involves shamanism, which means that on a fairly regular basis I have meaningful conversations with beings who most people don't believe exist.


This has been true for quite some time, of course, but it was a particularly intense awareness yesterday. People would ask about my weekend and I wanted to reply, "I have a white cobra coming out of the top of my head."

But even I, who try to be 'out' about my spirituality as often as possible, am not quite willing to say that to most of the people at work. Especially not in the context of what is supposed to be innocuous water cooler chat.

Comments

[a-belletrist.livejournal.com]

It must have been a day for that ...

Yesterday we had an incident with a spider in a co-worker's office. She screamed, someone else smashed the poor thing, and I came in and demanded, "Why didn't you just ask it to leave?!" Then I bit my lip.

The sea of faces that looked at me in astonishment was a little overwhelming. Then someone (the dreaded co-worker, in fact) said, with complete respect, "Oh, yeah, Kath's a shaman." And that was that. :: blink blink ::

I didn't have the heart to correct them (I don't see myself as a shaman) ... and I'll take what acceptance I can from my co-workers. I was surprised that it was the dreaded co-worker who had no issues with the woo-woo thing. They all promised to call me the next time a critter gets in (spiders, mice, the occasional bird).

This is why uncrowned_king's post yesterday made me smile so much.

Then, right after that, in another part of the office, another dreaded co-worker (I only have the two) saw a charm that I tend to wear more often than not, and asked what it was. It's a charm of a running wolf that I've had for ten years now ... the wolf is one of my protectors, and it's nice to have the symbol for her to remind me of what she is, that she's always around, and what I am.

"A wolf," I replied.

"Why a wolf?" she asked.

"Um." :: sigh :: "It's one of my totem animals ... a guide of sorts."

"Oh, that's cool." And that was it for her.

I think I'll have to stop calling both of them "dreaded". I think I will also have to rethink my ideas of how the larger world sees me. It seems as if they've caught on to who and what I am long before I was willing to say anything about it. Even though I try to just 'be' who I am all the time, it's one thing to 'be' and another thing to wear it on your sleeve.

[oakmouse]

*g* I had one of those moments with a coworker. Not just any coworker,the boss' daughter. :-p I came back from Pantheacon with a necklace of bronze oak leaves and acorns, and I wore it in to work. B looked at it and said, "Wow, that's pretty. Does it mean something?" I was still so immersed in P-con energy that I unthinkingly responded, "Yes, it's a votive necklace for Pan. He's one of my patron deities."

She just stared at me for about thirty seconds, then said, "Oh. Well, that's nice. It's really pretty." Then she started talking about something work-related. I was scared to death for days that the episode might prove problematic but it never did. B is cool enough (even though clueless about paganism) that she decided it was probably all OK. Which is good since we shared an office!

(It's probably as well I never told her that the wallpaper on my desktop was a photo of my priest back when he was alive, though. That would have been way over the top. *g*)

[qos.livejournal.com]

Those are great stories. Not only is it neat to read about your difficult co-workers being so cool about this area of your life, I am reminded about my own struggles to resist labeling Miss V and reinforcing the negative energy I had with her.

Reading your spider story also reminds me that I need to set out a Girl Scout cookie and some vodka for my house spirit. uncrowned_king was a bit surprised that he'd allowed a spiritually aware spider to remain in the house. My response was that either the spider was friendly and very good at eating bugs, or he [the house spirit] was feeling miffed about the state of the house and the lack of attention he was getting and was on strike until the situation improved. . .

[oakmouse]

It's really difficult, isn't it, to leave talk about such important things out of a large part of one's daily life. I find that having to stay closeted at work inhibits my ability to talk about these things in any public context, even here on LJ in friends-locked posts. For instance, I've been working on a post for Feral Holiness about an experience with Pan, and working on a post for my own LJ to talk about some of my own shamanic experiences, and both are pretty blocked. I'm not going to let them stay blocked, but it's a struggle. I have a deep reflex to talk to trusted people about what's important to me, in direct conflict with a deep reflex to KEEP QUIET.

I haven't found an easy solution, but I think a_belletrist is right that we need to consider being more open. The question is how to juggle that with the reality of being what our present society's standard of normality judges as nuts. (Maybe a meditation on the image of The World from one of the Rider-Waite derived tarots might help... Dancing in balance within a narrow space.)

[a-belletrist.livejournal.com]

I like that images as a meditation point for this ... seems fitting.

I have the same dichotomy that you do. A strong desire to express and share vs the deep down need to protect by staying silent.

It's hard to find that balance sometimes ... though I always feel better if I can share. I guess what I'm starting to realize is that my target audience is broader than I may have originally assumed. And by being what we are, we give others the courage to be who they are as well.

It's difficult though.

[professor-mom.livejournal.com]

I keep forgetting about FH. I need to catch up in there. I've also had experiences with Pan that would be cool to share, but I'm not sure they belong in FH.

[qos.livejournal.com]

If it touches on sexuality and some form of spirituality or magic then its appropriate for FH. And since Pan is a sexy god, I would tend to think it would be natural.

[professor-mom.livejournal.com]

It's not sexy in the sense that most people would consider sexy, so I'll have to write about it in my blog one of these days.

[professor-mom.livejournal.com]

If I'm at work, I won't normally talk about my spiritual life. One time though, when I was working in a toxic work situation, I whispered loudly, "Goddess, please help me." And a coworker heard me. She didn't say anything though. Just looked at me oddly.

[qos.livejournal.com]

Sometimes people ask about the book I'm reading, or about a necklace or other jewelry I'm wearing, and I will answer honestly -- although perhaps not with the full truth, depending on my relationship with that person.

I've worked here for almost three years now, and I figure that people have already formulated their opinions about me.

[9thmoon.livejournal.com]

I can commiserate on two fronts. Coming out as poly at work was very difficult, and complicated, and then when we got the new boss - S. - he was so judgmental - I almost went "back in the closet" but, you know, cat out of the bag and all that, so I just got very quiet about my personal life for a couple years. Most other coworkers were much more accepting than I expected, partially, I think, because I treat it so matter-of-factly and not as a big drama/revelation opportunity.

The other front is about spirituality. We've talked about this a little, but I can tell you that I'm learning; in Texas, one does not proclaim spiritual atheism where any of the "saved" can hear.

[qos.livejournal.com]

I've found that most people are more accepting than I've expected -- either minds are broader than I give most people credit for, or I've got good radar for finding the right people to out myself to.

[seauleja.livejournal.com]

I wish I hung out at your water cooler.