Morning Reflections

[qos]

Last night I connected emotionally with a gaming character for the first time in several years. It took several sessions, but I think the whole being-set-on-fire-after-the-Cardinal's-head-exploded incident tipped over my emotional switch. By the end of the scene I was laughing almost hysterically, caught up in the awful absurdity of Jehanne's situation. It was great.

This morning I was awake first, and spent about forty minutes journaling about the experience with game and then close to another hour journaling about other things -- the longest sustained writing I've done in a very long time.

Every so often I would get up and go over to the patio doors of _storyteller_'s apartment and look out into the gray-lit morning. It was very quiet -- and I suddenly realized how many times I'd been in this situation: the first one up, being alone, writing, enjoying the solitude. Whether at camp, on retreats, or even in the dorms, this first-thing-in-the-morning time was when I connected with myself.

It was also a time that reinforced my sense of being different from those around me. Chances are that I had gone to sleep earlier than everyone else, that I had not been as deeply involved in whatever socializing had gone on before. The nurturing and renewal the others found in each other's company at night, I found in the quiet solitude of morning.

It's been a long time since I felt so connected with my own past.

These last few days have been amazing. I don't know if the eclipse had anything to do with it or not. Most people who wrote about it seemed to be battening down the hatches. I experienced a tide of positive change -- or at least energy going in positive directions, waves for me to catch and ride and urge on. _storyteller_ suggested that it's a good time for me because I connect with Void energy, which is how he experiences/interprets an eclipse. It's as good a hypothesis as any, since I don't do astrology.

But I had a great tarot reading on Saturday morning, which I did for a close friend. It should not have worked out as well as it did: we were under a bit of a time constraint, and there were several interruptions, but we both knew I needed to cut the cards, and instead of creating a spread or following one I simply knew what each card related to before I turned it over. And it was perfect. And my friend and I used the same words several times to describe what the cards meant, even when they were not the usual/common meanings.

Now my daughter is off with her father visiting his side of the family. I've gone grocery shopping, bought new pillows and a new medium-sized garbage can for under the sink, and balanced my checkbook. I have time and space and silence to savor before _storyteller_ comes over again this evening.

The bathtub drain is broken again, this time in the closed position, but I'll deal with that, with my brother-in-law's help. No big deal. It's a good day.

Comments

[professor-mom.livejournal.com]

"These last few days have been amazing. I don't know if the eclipse had anything to do with it or not. Most people who wrote about it seemed to be battening down the hatches. I experienced a tide of positive change -- or at least energy going in positive directions, waves for me to catch and ride and urge on. _storyteller_ suggested that it's a good time for me because I connect with Void energy, which is how he experiences/interprets an eclipse. It's as good a hypothesis as any, since I don't do astrology."

I always try to spend time in silence and meditation when there's an eclipse. It seems to be a really inward time and my meditations are deeper and I seem to be able to dip into the stillness much more.

"But I had a great tarot reading on Saturday morning, which I did for a close friend. "

I really admire your skill with tarot. You have such an intuitive sense which seems to play itself out well when you start putting down cards. I'm still very grateful and encouraged by the reading you did for me.

[qos.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your kind words about my tarot skills. I don't know why it still surprises me when "it works" -- but it does.

And I still need to remember to send you those business cards!

[oakmouse]

The eclipse seems to have hit a very positive note for me as well. A whole series of rocky situations are suddenly resolving into what looks from here like it's going to be a good place. I'll keep my fingers crossed for us both!