The LJ Dilemma - A Bit of Babble - Daimonic Battle

[qos]

So here we are, my LJ Friends: a few of you I know personally, but not deeply, and more of you I have only known through LJ. (And then there's my sister, who is in a category of her own.) I enjoy reading your journals and deeply appreciate your comments in mine, and I value your perspectives and your insights and the unique ways each of you express yourselves. I want to know each of you better, and I want to be known by you.

I'm doing some fairly significant inner work right now, much of it expressed in terms of stories and characters I've spent years developing, many of whom have connections to real people whose real-life relationships with me also carry significance and resonance with what I'm working on.

I want to share some of this with you, my LJ Friends, but to do so requires so much background and footnoting that when I try to compose an entry, the substance of what's going on gets lost in the explanations: real life, fantasy life, people who exist in multiple expressions in multiple inner worlds. . . I never realized how *really* complicated it was until I started thinking about sharing it.

And when I think "Oh, the heck with it, just post what you've written," I come out with Delphic pronouncements like this one:

Mowbray too, an expression of the Emperor if there ever was one, had to be killed - not by Seonaid, but (again) by another daimonic aspect. And I suppose that on some level it is only appropriate that the harmful shadow-daimon be fought by the authentic daimon.

Both Mowbray and the Wolves challenged Seonaid's sovereignty, but the difference is between the High Priest who holds the sword at the circle's edge to challenge the initiate, and the oppressor who tries to keep her from going to the circle at all. The High Priest is an ally. The Emperor (at least in my internal cosmology) is the enemy. Which is extremely problematic given the attractiveness he has for me. The Emperor promises safety through order and what is known and maintained. And he promises recognition, advancement, and honor for maintaining his rules and serving his order. The High Priest opens the door to the unknown, to the power within, where there is no guarantee of safety, only of growth.

Which gets (almost) to the bottom of line of my private musings this morning, and keeps you all somewhat apprised of my progress on the new journey I started with the Glorious Shadow post. (Really!)

I need to work on my christology paper some more, then I'll see if I can find something coherent and publically appropriate to say on the topic of the multiple levels of the hieros gamos imagery that's been coming up for me these last few months.

If anyone really wants more info on anything I post about this process, I'm more than happy to answer questions in the Comments area. I'm just going to try to be somewhat concise in the primary entries. Even if it also means that I'm somewhat cryptic.

Comments

[queenofhalves]

i am intrigued. i'm sure it will all become clear as you post more about it. :>

i was thinking about what i would do if i decided to stop actively seeking some kind of religious group to participate in, and "explore my personal spirituality," as it were. then i realized i have absolutely no idea how to do this.

seems like storytelling is one of the big ways you do it. am i right?

Re:

[qos.livejournal.com]

i am intrigued. i'm sure it will all become clear as you post more about it.

I certainly hope so! :-)

seems like storytelling is one of the big ways you do it. am i right?

I make a distinction between "my spirituality" - which I consider to be my relationship to the Divine - and this inner life I'm working with. The two are related, because both touch who I am at the deepest levels, but they are not synonymous. What I'm doing now is not at all the same for me as participation in religious ritual or community activity with a group, or with private prayer or other spiritual practice.

Of course, because I have a lifelong interest in religion and myth, and have studied tarot, many of my inner symobls have religious/spiritual overtones. That probably further muddies the waters to a new observer.

At the same time: when I was in those first years post-Void, a lot of what I did to help define my personal spirituality was done through storytelling. I simply started to write, and sometimes what came through had mythic power that reflected what I believed beyond my conscious realization. Once it was conscious, I could start to work with it.

When I explore my personal spirituality, I look for what words and images move me, and then I ask "why?" and "so what does that mean? what are the implications?". I spend solitary time in prayer, and in writing that blends from meditation to storytelling to analysis. I call out the Divine and ask it to reveal itself to me, to be close to me, to deepen our relationship.

One of my challenges is to integrate my inner archetypal landscape and who I am there with my spirituality and my vocation and identity in the outer world. Because they don't fit neatly together.

[toesontheground.livejournal.com]

Okay by me! Do what you need to do :)