qos | Miss V Does a 180

This morning, Miss V came over to my desk, all smiles and warmth. (Normally, she doesn't even say hello when she walks past -- just as I don't usually speak to her when I go past her desk.)

She asked about the problems I had with my desk phone this morning -- and then told me that she had been doing some thinking over the weekend. . . that she's been under a lot of stress due to her boss's resignation and her own uncertain status. . . that she felt bad about our unpleasant encounter last week. . . and that if she does stay in our department that she wants to "start over" with me and our relationship. . . . That it's been hard, but we work so closely together that we really need to get along, and she wants to help make that happen. She acknowledged that we are both stubborn, which hasn't helped.

She's said "I want things to be better between us" before, but never with this kind of warmth in her tone. Always before it's been in a voice that sounded aggrieved, and which set my teeth on edge.

I was stunned. Flabbergasted. And deeply grateful (and I did thank her, and told her I too wanted to start again, trying my best to match the warmth of her tone). This is the first time she has *ever* acknowledged that she has done anything to contribute to the problems between us. To my surprise, I wanted to hug her. I sincerely wanted to hug her.

And then she hugged me.

And it felt like she meant it.

I'm still in shock.
Delighted, but in shock.

It will still take work on both our parts, but for the first time in ages I feel like there might be hope.

I don't want to detract from or seem to claim responsibility for the huge step she took in whatever process she went through that led her to this point, but I want to mention two synchronous actions I've taken lately.

Yesterday evening, I moved the sword I've kept in the center of my mantle off to one side, giving the center spot -- which is the primary "place of honor" in my house -- over to a candle honoring Spirit, a figure representing my Family, and one which I realized represented my daimon.

The second. . . which I've been meaning to make a very simple post about for more than a week, is the realization that I finally feel ready to love again.