A Growing Edge
Jun. 19th, 2005 07:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosI was talking with Kim (my shamanic teacher) last month, telling her that I felt like I wanted to find a way to take some serious alone/retreat time. She said, "Ah ha -- I think this is for you," reached into her bag, and pulled out a sheet of paper describing a four day "Restoration of Land and Soul" journey. It involves hiking 2-1/2 miles into a canyon site (described as a "gentle" hike), the next day spent reclaiming the land from old fire circles and non-native vegetation which has invaded the canyon, and then a 24-hour solo journey on the land, hiking out together on the fourth day. As soon as she showed me the info, my spirit leaped, and I said, "Yes, this is what I want to do."
I sent my $50 registration fee in yesterday, and received several documents about preparation via email.
I'm scared.
I'm scared of the vegetarian diet, of needing to pack in enough nourishing food for myself for four days of lunches and whatever meals I want during my solo time. I'm afraid of being able to borrow or buy the appropriate equipment (none of which I have right now, not even work gloves). I did but a good hat yesterday at the zoo. . . but even Indiana Jones needed more than a cool hat.
The sheltered, spoiled part of me (which is actually very large) is jumping up and down and gibbering in not-quite terror, but serious alarm.
Then there's the calm, mature part of me that's saying gently, "Facing the fear is part of what this is about, dear. Doing the preparation: the equipment, the physical prep, the emotional prep, the spiritual prep, is part of the journey. We need this experience right now."
Sheltered me continues to gibber, but I'm not paying any attention to her.
Well, I'm trying not to pay too much attention to her.
Meanwhile, Kim had also suggested that I find an "ally of summer". Today it occurred to me that that ally may well be rattlesnake. There are diamondback rattlesnakes in the desert canyon we'll be in -- but after ten years of working there in all seasons, the guide evidently knows what she's about in teaching how to respect and get along with them -- and we will each be issued and instructed how to use an emergency snakebite kit.
My mom has a screaming horror of snakes. My dad has camped and tramped all around the western states and never had a problem with a snake. I'm not exactly keen on the idea of being in rattlesnake country, but I'm feeling a stronger and stronger conviction that seeking Rattlesnake as an ally and learning from him may be a powerful experience. (Note: I'm not talking about going out and looking for rattlesnakes in the desert in order to be chummy with them, but to seek the spirit wisdom of the species.) Part of me is afraid that by cultivating this relationship it may increase my chances of actually encountering a snake. Then I tell myself that if I take this seriously enough to think that that may actually happen, I need to also take seriously the probability that I will be capable of dealing with the situation safely.
There's also the interesting fact that the spirit I wanted seek out during my deep/quiet time is Dragon -- a presence I've sensed in myself for a long time but have only recently started to be able to actually make meaningful contact with -- but only under circumstances of fairly deep journeying. And when I started looking up info about Rattlesnake, the first article made a direct association between Rattlesnake and Dragon.
And when you think about the combination of fear and respect which each reptile inspires in humanity, it suddenly makes a lot of sense. Both certainly have especially powerful magical/symbolic presence, to the degree that even those who don't take the concept of "power animals" seriously will still see Snake as a symbol of renewal or of death/rebirth. Snakes have always been very prominent in religious symbolism, and often very ambiguous in their combination of deadliness and regeneration.
Being in the Eastern Washington desert in July is going to be a physical challenge in and of itself. Fortunately, the resistance and cardio training I've been doing has already helped my strength. And I've been reminded several times that physical capacity has as much to do with the mind, with "heart/courage", as it does with muscle strength. But to prepare, I'm going to need to spend more time outside in the heat, make some changes to my diet to more whole foods and less animal flesh (yikes!!), and do some diligent preparation on every level.
If anyone feels like praying for me as I make my preparations, I would appreciate it. I want to be ready to undertake this adventure safely, and not be a drain on the group's resources or spirit, or put myself needlessly in difficulty by not having something I need or not being in the right physical or mental shape.
I sent my $50 registration fee in yesterday, and received several documents about preparation via email.
I'm scared.
I'm scared of the vegetarian diet, of needing to pack in enough nourishing food for myself for four days of lunches and whatever meals I want during my solo time. I'm afraid of being able to borrow or buy the appropriate equipment (none of which I have right now, not even work gloves). I did but a good hat yesterday at the zoo. . . but even Indiana Jones needed more than a cool hat.
The sheltered, spoiled part of me (which is actually very large) is jumping up and down and gibbering in not-quite terror, but serious alarm.
Then there's the calm, mature part of me that's saying gently, "Facing the fear is part of what this is about, dear. Doing the preparation: the equipment, the physical prep, the emotional prep, the spiritual prep, is part of the journey. We need this experience right now."
Sheltered me continues to gibber, but I'm not paying any attention to her.
Well, I'm trying not to pay too much attention to her.
Meanwhile, Kim had also suggested that I find an "ally of summer". Today it occurred to me that that ally may well be rattlesnake. There are diamondback rattlesnakes in the desert canyon we'll be in -- but after ten years of working there in all seasons, the guide evidently knows what she's about in teaching how to respect and get along with them -- and we will each be issued and instructed how to use an emergency snakebite kit.
My mom has a screaming horror of snakes. My dad has camped and tramped all around the western states and never had a problem with a snake. I'm not exactly keen on the idea of being in rattlesnake country, but I'm feeling a stronger and stronger conviction that seeking Rattlesnake as an ally and learning from him may be a powerful experience. (Note: I'm not talking about going out and looking for rattlesnakes in the desert in order to be chummy with them, but to seek the spirit wisdom of the species.) Part of me is afraid that by cultivating this relationship it may increase my chances of actually encountering a snake. Then I tell myself that if I take this seriously enough to think that that may actually happen, I need to also take seriously the probability that I will be capable of dealing with the situation safely.
There's also the interesting fact that the spirit I wanted seek out during my deep/quiet time is Dragon -- a presence I've sensed in myself for a long time but have only recently started to be able to actually make meaningful contact with -- but only under circumstances of fairly deep journeying. And when I started looking up info about Rattlesnake, the first article made a direct association between Rattlesnake and Dragon.
And when you think about the combination of fear and respect which each reptile inspires in humanity, it suddenly makes a lot of sense. Both certainly have especially powerful magical/symbolic presence, to the degree that even those who don't take the concept of "power animals" seriously will still see Snake as a symbol of renewal or of death/rebirth. Snakes have always been very prominent in religious symbolism, and often very ambiguous in their combination of deadliness and regeneration.
Being in the Eastern Washington desert in July is going to be a physical challenge in and of itself. Fortunately, the resistance and cardio training I've been doing has already helped my strength. And I've been reminded several times that physical capacity has as much to do with the mind, with "heart/courage", as it does with muscle strength. But to prepare, I'm going to need to spend more time outside in the heat, make some changes to my diet to more whole foods and less animal flesh (yikes!!), and do some diligent preparation on every level.
If anyone feels like praying for me as I make my preparations, I would appreciate it. I want to be ready to undertake this adventure safely, and not be a drain on the group's resources or spirit, or put myself needlessly in difficulty by not having something I need or not being in the right physical or mental shape.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 04:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 04:39 am (UTC)Think skin protection...SPF 999+. ;-)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 01:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 05:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 01:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 05:42 am (UTC)one piece of advice I have via friends who've gone to Burning man? layering of lightweight scarves, a la burnouses and classic Arabian fashion.
Glad you are able and willing to take this challenge on. I'll be living vicariously through you, you know! *grin*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 01:09 pm (UTC)I hadn't thought about scarves. . . maybe I'll give it a try.
Knowing that people will be witnessing this whole process, and will perhaps be able to share some benefit from it, is going to be very helpful in keeping me committed.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 08:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 07:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 01:09 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 02:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 09:05 am (UTC)Also a poem sequence in which snakes go slithering through, creating a thematic link.
Snake is of the earth, earthy- cthonic. Snake glitters and is quick. Snake sheds her skin and is reborn.
Also, in the Christian tradition, Snake is the enemy. Or is she? Snake is closely associated with the Goddess. And with wisdom. And with the unknown/forbidden.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 01:11 pm (UTC)Earth has always been a problematic element for me, so it's good to be reminded of the Snake association there. Also, for a quest like this, which is very much of the unknown and a bit of the forbidden, it's making more and more sense to seek the guidance of Snake.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 02:08 pm (UTC)They're primarily about Spain. The snake is a recurring symbol, weaving in and out of the text.
Can you let me have your email? The sequence is much too bulky to post here.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-21 03:53 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-20 03:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-28 04:02 pm (UTC)*hugs*
will try to update more soon!