While doing my regular morning practice today, it suddenly occurred to me that I need to go deeper into clarifying what I want my path and practices to look like.
This path emerged out of grief. It was brand new, and I needed a lot of guidance. Fortunately, I've been blessed with a wonderful teacher and strong, patient patrons. I had resistance to some of what I was asked to do, but overall I was grateful to be led. I still am.
However it's also becoming more clear to me that I need to sit down and decide -- in concert with the gods, especially Ereshkigal -- what my path is supposed to be. I strongly believe that we are guided by our yearnings and our talents, and also that good discernment is necessary so we don't fall into simple wish-fulfillment and either self-aggrandizement or insecurity. It's a delicate balance. But I need to start having a more personal vision of what my priestess work is to be.
My sense of self has been shifting as the grieving has come to an end. I've spent the last year or so feeling adrift, cut off from my past in a way I never have before. I'm coming back into my self, but it's not the person I was before LM's death. It's shaped by the grief but no longer dominated by it.
Time to meditate, write, do divination, and listen.
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