The Emperor and Power

[x-posted]

A lot of what's been moving in my life since my ordination has involved power: as energy, as potency, as authority. It started with B in the encounter at Pantheacon, where we moved into a space where he started addressing me as "Mistress" as he gave me a massage, and I accepted the power with a sense of pleasure and ease that was entirely new, and then enjoyed exercising the power. And I had a very strong sense that both the sensuality and power elements of that encounter were a direct gift from Ereshkigal and Inanna, and the interaction with B was an essential step in integrating the energies I'd received.

One of the challenges I've dealt with my entire adult life has been feeling that I can't claim and exercise authority -- and by that I mean the authority of knowledge or skill as much or more as the authority of holding a position of privilege over others -- if I haven't been given some kind of stamp of approval by an outside institution or established authority. This has made starting my spiritual direction practice problematic, since by definition my path is outside of such structures.

( Power, Lohain, The Emperor, Limits, Sovereignty )

Belated Update for the Non-Filtered

Because the drama that was stressing me out earlier this week involved elements of my life usually discussed behind filters, I had lost track of the fact that although I'd posted the resolution there, I hadn't let the rest of my f-list know that things are better now.

In fact, I was quite surprised by how very well things have turned out. The Scottish Gentleman is back in favor.

I don't mean to be mysterious, but although I share some things from these areas of my life openly, I'm sure you understand that I haven't wanted to go into the details of poly!kink!drama in unfiltered entries.

And I'm sure that more than a few of my friends are grateful for that fact as well.
;-)

Nia Progress

Last night’s Nia class was an interesting, if challenging, mix of experiences.

I’ve achieved enough rudimentary skill and familiarity with the basic movement vocabulary that it’s much easier for me to pick up the new sequences in a routine. Ah. . . this one. . . is the general translation of my body’s response. In fact, last night there were more than a few intervals when I really felt like I was dancing -- and that was amazing and wonderful.

At the same time, it’s still almost an hour of constant movement, and that itself is a challenge. At one point I was seriously contemplating stopping because of the blood pounding in my head.

But then I remembered: Nia is supposed to be pleasant. It’s the antithesis to “No pain – no gain.” One of the reasons for codifying the three levels of intensity is to validate the reality that people not only have different levels of fitness and energy from each other, they can also be at different levels themselves from one moment to the next. So instead of dropping out, I listened respectfully to my rushing blood and the quiet but fierce profanity of my mental dialogue, and allowed myself to do only as much as I felt comfortable with. And it was okay. After a while my heartbeat slowed, my emotions evened out, and I returned to a once-again-comfortable higher level of intensity.

I felt like a “good Nia student” last night – but it wasn’t because I was dancing, it was because I was listening to my body and moving in the way that was right for me in any given moment. That was the victory.